Friday, May 11, 2007
Elder of Ziyon
Now we can see the demonstrators' handbook!
Leftist protest guide
Uri Orbach provides tips on how to irritate soldiers, obtain photos of violent troops
This is how you fight the occupation: Bring five leftists along, give a camcorder to each one, and travel to the Territories. The nearest checkpoint is your playground. As you approach the checkpoint, attempt to express protest by moving roadblock rocks, swear at the soldiers, and do everything, and I mean everything, to piss them off.
Leftist, remember this: The soldiers are fatigued and worn out, and if you aim your swear words well, there is a good chance the reserve soldier at the roadblock will become upset. If you see some Palestinians on the other side, it's a good idea to start hurling stones.
However, all this should be done with extreme caution: Make sure not to film the stone-throwing by mistake. The photographers must focus on the reservists' reactions in order to convey an accurate picture of the incident.
Annoy them, bother them, swear at them, and yell out "occupation!" and "Aren't you ashamed of yourselves?" Block the road and climb the fence. Film the soldiers' reaction. The world loves to see violent Israeli soldiers. Should one of the reservists lose it a bit and hit you, you must immediately lie down on the ground (pay attention to the camcorder aimed at you) and start sobbing.
Mission accomplished. In regular protests the police sometimes resort to violence, and at times protesters also go too far. In your protest, the army's violence is not the result, but rather, the goal. And the goal is to acquire a photo of IDF violence. The goal justifies the means.
Such photo shows the entire world how cruel, terrible, and dangerous Israel is. It is worthwhile to sustain some blows for such noble objective.
Award-winning documentary
Demonstrator, remember this! You are not just some guy who arrived in order to protest an injustice or express your political views. You arrived in order to get a front page photo for the newspaper and for television newscasts in Israel and abroad. It worked in Hebron, with the cursing settler, it worked out at the roadblock with the "Palestinian forced to play his violin," and it worked well in many other places where the world only saw miserable Palestinians, violent soldiers, and protesters being beaten up. Half-a-picture is worth a thousand words.
At the end of the day you shall return home tired but satisfied, beaten up but overjoyed. The evening newscasts will rush to use your photographs, the morning news shows will interview you, and peace organizations from all over the world will use the video clip in their PR presentations and send you donations.
The defense minister will convene a special meeting and demand an inquiry. After all, this time around we're not talking about settlers beaten up by soldiers or police officers, but rather, holy protesters demonstrating on behalf of a noble objective.
IDF officials will say they view the solders' conduct "with severity" and throw a miserable soldier into military prison. The public will yawn, but you did your job. With a little luck, at the end of the day you will make a big budget award-winning documentary film out of it. You will even receive funding from Israeli public foundations thanks to the "brave and incisive film" (this is what the newspaper reviews will say) that shows Israel too has human rights fighters.
So, let's march on to the Palestinian village of Bil'in! Charge the checkpoint! It will be moral, and fun.
