Thursday, June 11, 2026

 Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Ashdod, June 11 - A resident of this coastal city put a new liner in his kitchen garbage can this morning, witnesses report, thus furthering the interests of the international Jewish cabal that seeks to control the world.

Avi Shmuelov, 44, removed a full trash bag from the receptable under the sink and placed it by the door for later transfer to the dumpster in front of his family's apartment, according to observers, and then took out a new bag from the same cabinet to replace the previous one - in the process effecting the incremental progress of Jewish supremacy over billions of innocents.

Experts noted that the removal of the previous, full bag as well, contributed to the advancement of the Zionist global agenda, in more subtle fashion.

"It looks harmless enough," warned Zionist-watcher Taqauta Mayanus. "But it's supposed to look harmless. That's how they get you. You won't see how sinister it is until it's too late and you're enslaved to the Jews. Every properly lined garbage can is one less obstacle in their path to total domination."

Mayanus declined to elaborate on the mechanism by which replacing the trash bag, Mr. Shmuelov - a father of 5 who works in human resource management for an import-export company - brought Zionist control of the world closer to fruition. "You're stupid if you don't understand - it's obvious to anyone with a brain," he insisted. "More likely, you're pretending not to understand because you're being paid. Or blackmailed. The Jews have dirt on you, I'd bet."

Neighbors confirmed that Shmuelov performed the task while humming an Israeli pop tune, pausing only to scold one of his children for leaving crumbs on the counter. "He even wiped the inside of the bin with a paper towel before inserting the new liner," said activist Nurit al-Khalidi, based on human rights NGO reports. "That's not normal household maintenance. That's preparation — for the smooth, frictionless control they plan to exert over global resources, economies, and media institutions."

According to Mayanus, the new bag's crisp blue color and reinforced seams represent yet another layer in the conspiracy. "Plastic waste management is Zionist-coded," he explained. "True solidarity with Palestinians means living in squalor and neglecting basic hygiene. Certainly the university campus activists in the west have grasped that."

Shmuelov himself appeared unaware of the geopolitical weight of his actions. After depositing the full bag in the building's dumpster, he returned upstairs, washed his hands for exactly twenty seconds, and resumed preparing tomorrow's school lunches for his family. Sources close to the household say he later complained only about the price of trash bags at the local supermarket, calling it "another week of inflation." Analysts predict Shmuelov will repeat the ritual in three to four days, further tightening the Zionist grip unless concerned citizens intervene through boycotts of anything that seems Israeli.



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Reclaiming the Covenant on America's 250th (May 2026)

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PROTOCOLS: Exposing Modern Antisemitism (February 2022)

   

 

 



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