Friday, July 28, 2023


Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Jerusalem, July 27 - A motorist on one of the city's busiest arteries signaled to the vehicle operator ahead of him to proceed swiftly, now that the red signal at the intersection had turned green, to help ensure that both automobiles reach the next intersection in less time, and spend the time saved waiting for that light to change, as well.

Gadi Yitzhaki, 50, driving a black Skoda Octavia, honked at the Honda Accord in front of him on Ben-Tzvi Boulevard early this afternoon, and in doing so communicated the importance of accelerating at once, to get stuck sooner at the following traffic light.

"Time is a precious resource," he explained to his passenger. "And other people's time is even more precious. You have permission to use your own time as you please, but not other people's time. That means doing everything you can not to waste other people's time. You can't just wait after the light turns green, not even a little. It's not your time to decide what to do with. People need to get places, and you're in the way. You have a responsibility."

The driver in front of Yitzhaki appeared to understand the message. She released her brake and proceeded apace toward the next red light, where both cars, among others, sat for a further 40 seconds before that light, as well, turned green. This time, however, Yitzhaki had maneuvered to the the lead position in the adjacent lane, and was able to start moving again without waiting for others.

To do so, Yitzhaki sped up to overtake the Honda and reach the next intersection a full 3.8 seconds before the other car, where both waited. He voiced satisfaction at his time efficiency.

"Not everyone knows how to maximize resources," he boasted. "I pride myself on not wasting seconds between tasks. That's where so many people lose track, don't understand 'where the time has gone.' It just takes a second or two to knock you off track if you're not focused on keeping things going as they should. I've worked for a long time to shave off those seconds between tasks, and it keeps my efficiency at its peak."

Yitzhaki then launched into a diatribe against cyclists who "think they own the road and should show more respect, especially for drivers going much faster," at least two of whom made it from the previous traffic light to this current one in time to wait in front of his Skoda.




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