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Thursday, July 25, 2024

Houthis Thought Sloped Roof Would Prevent Israeli Airstrikes (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Hodeida, July 28 - Senior figures in the Iran-backed Islamist rebel group that controls western Yemen admitted today that they had overestimated the effectiveness of an angled structure in deterring or nullifying missiles and bombs in the now-destroyed port facility.

Ayama Ful, who holds a rank roughly equivalent to brigadier general in the Ansar Allah movement, acknowledged in several conversations this morning that defense experts in the organization had relied too heavily on the defensive potential of a sloped roof over and near sensitive sites that Israeli Air Force fighters and cruise missiles destroyed over the weekend in retaliation for a deadly drone attack that hit Tel Aviv late last week. 60% of the port's fuel storage went up in flames, and the port has been rendered unusable for the foreseeable future.

"It had been our understanding that a sloped roof was too formidable an obstacle even for some of the world's most preventive forces," confessed Ful. "That was the prevailing, conventional assessment of things. We do now realize that conception was in error, and will do everything in our power, with our partners in Tehran, to eliminate this vulnerability across all of our facilities and systems. But yes, this was a sobering discovery."

Sloped roofs existed atop and adjacent to nearly 80% of the targets that Israel struck. The slanted structures failed to shield, deter, deflect, or cushion any of the bombs or missiles in the series of strikes, according to Ansar Allah statistics.

Houthi officials vowed an investigation and reorganization. "Obviously, escalation and reconstruction will be our twin goals going forward," insisted regional governor Allaeayn Aljamal. "We must augment our stockpile of drones and missiles to launch at the Zionists and also at random ships anywhere in the area - an endeavor that has become more difficult with the largest port in the country disabled. And some large ships from Iran bound for us have also disappeared. I don't know if they had sloped roofs installed. We are still investigating that."

Some Houthis expressed more alarm. "If the Zionists - or their American backers - have developed sloped-roof-penetrating technology, we face an unprecedented problem," warned advisor 'Ana Akil Alqaraf. "Our partners in Iran will have to reconsider an entire layer of their defenses for nuclear weapons and ballistic missile facilities, not to mention other military or national security sites. This carries grave implications for regional power balances."

Alqaraf noted that he has attempted to warn allies in Gaza and Lebanon about this disturbing new Israeli capability, but has not received confirmation that his messages have reached their destinations.




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