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Thursday, July 18, 2024

Man At Knesset Cafeteria Refuses To Self-Serve, Claims Forced Starvation (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Jerusalem, July 21 - A patron at the in-house diner within the Israel's national legislative compound accused the staff and other customers of depriving him of food because they will not bring the food to him at his set, even as no wait staff exists and customers take their own trays of food to tables.

The man, wearing a visitor's tag, attracted the attention of journalists, and held forth on the barbarity of the surrounding Israelis' refusal to deliver his much-needed nourishment directly to him.

"This is par for the course, what with the ethnic cleansing and mass-starvation in Gaza," he declared, referring to deprivation in a war zone where the UN and affiliated groups have failed to unload or deliver hundreds of trucks per day that Israel allows in, and have failed to prevent Hamas and other "armed groups" from hijacking the aid and selling it to those in need.

Eyewitnesses say the man entered the cafeteria at about 11:30 this morning and ordered a sandwich and a drink, but then left them on a tray at the cashier and sat down at a table seven meters away. Ten minutes elapsed before the middle-aged-looking man began yelling and hurling accusations of forced starvation.

"This is a humanitarian catastrophe!" he asserted. "The International Criminal Court must investigate!"

Human rights organizations were quick to weigh in. "The depravity of Israel's forced starvation methods are, sadly, already well established," remarked Ken Roth, the former director of Human Rights Watch. "The impunity this rogue regime enjoys cannot continue. International powers must step in to put a stop to the cruelty."

Amnesty International went even further. "Genocide. That's the only appropriate term," stated organization president Agnes Callamard. "We have Gaza Ministry of Health figures that indicate the starvation of that poor man killed at least eighty Palestinian civilians, most of them women and children. This horrific, diabolical carnage cannot continue."

Médecins Sans Frontières added, "The intentional targeting of noncombatants is a war crime."

Knesset staff and bystanders agreed with the man's invocation of Gaza. "It really is the same," commented a fellow visitor. "Except for the human shields, booby traps, missiles launched from humanitarian safe zones, genocidal rhetoric, tunnels, terrorists in civilian clothing, Iranian funding, and a bunch of other characteristics, it might be hard to tell the situations apart."

The US State Department reacted with an offer to send a floating pier to deliver the man's food.



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