Gazans Panic As US Airdrops Watermelons (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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(I received a note from PreOccupied Territory with this story saying that it was written before the reported air drop mishap in Gaza. He said he was "not sure whether that makes publishing it funnier." It is far from the first time that his satire ended up becoming true. - EoZ)

Gazans Panic As US Airdrops Watermelons 

Zaitoun, March 14 - Palestinians hoping to bypass Hamas's tight control of aid distribution in this embattled coastal territory by getting to the parachuted packages of food by American Air Force, only to discover to their horror today that the latest payload, in a misguided attempt to show solidarity with Palestinians with a new symbol of their struggle, contained mostly watermelons. Six Palestinians were killed and a dozen injured. The Air Force has promised an investigation. Gaza officials, who give the official Hamas line, will include the casualties in the count of innocents killed by Israel.

Aid distribution inside the Gaza Strip has proved a tough logistical nut to crack, experts noted, given the monopoly that the Islamist terrorist group maintains through its control of the major aid organizations operating there. Israel allows in hundreds of trucks per day, but those vehicles sit idle on the Gaza side of the border while Hamas hoards the supplies, distributing it only to cronies who then sell the goods to those in need. Deadly clashes and stampedes have occurred as a result, with Gazans attempting to reach the aid before Hamas thugs can seize it. American and Jordanian air drops of supplies have tried to address the situation, with limited success.

Last week, a State Department employee passed a suggestion to a colleague in the Pentagon that the US military demonstrate its support for the people of Palestine by showering them with watermelons. The watermelon became a symbol of Palestinian resistance to Israel in the wake of the October 7 massacre last year that saw Hamas invade southern Israel and slaughter 1200 people, among other atrocities. The fruit evokes the green, black, white, and red Palestinian flag, and celebrates the "cutting open" of Israeli security on that day. The watermelon features in social media handles and has become a new shorthand for support for Palestinian violence against Israel.

The suggestion moved through the ranks of military until approved by the chain of command, who requisitioned several tons of watermelon, loaded them onto cargo planes, and dropped them over areas of the Gaza Strip where locals might be able to collect them.

The USAF investigation will attempt to determine who gave the green light for the mission without verifying that the air dropped cargo had parachutes, and will set forth revamped protocols to ensure no such disaster occurs again, according to a statement by the Air Force.

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