Liron and Rakefet Eldor
By Forest Rain
He stood by the door, slightly bent over as if recovering
from a punch to the gut and yet he had a smile on his face, warm words, and a
hug for friends and family.
I’ve been to many Shiva houses. This is the first time I’ve seen
a grief-stricken father greet those who came to pay their respects in this way.
For those unfamiliar with the Jewish mourning tradition of Sitting
Shiva, this is a structured way for the bereaved family to express their grief
and the community to support the family. Immediately following the funeral, for
seven days (shiva means seven in Hebrew), the immediate family resides
(usually) in the home of the deceased. Extended family, friends, and members of
the community come without invitation to offer condolences, share memories of
the deceased, and provide emotional support. The endless stream of people
provides a stabilizing distraction for the mourners, helping to pass the
initial shock of bereavement. Mourners are not supposed to cook or serve food,
so it is customary for guests to bring food, making sure the bereaved family doesn’t
have to think about themselves or their guests.
People differ in their adherence to the Jewish traditional
guidelines for the Shiva. Secular Jews do not necessarily conduct the
proscribed prayers, wear a kippah (yarmulke), or stick to the guidelines
regarding clothes, etc. Tradition dictates that the mourners sit on low chairs
or even pillows on the floor, indicating their grief and differentiating them
from everyone else.
Mourners often remain sitting on their low chairs while the
people around them come and go, replaced by new visitors. Sometimes the
bereaved move around to visit with the different people who came to comfort
them.
Liron Eldor is the first father I’ve seen greeting visitors
by the door with a smile and a hug.
Liron’s son, Sergeant First Class Adi Eldor was killed in
Gaza. He was just 21 years old.
We don’t know the Eldor family personally, but they live in
Haifa and their son’s life journey is very similar to that of our son – same
school, both were in the Scouts and they were in the same elite army unit.
Israel is a nation of people who are family who haven’t met yet so, it isn’t
uncommon for people to pay condolences to families they don’t personally know.
What is the difference between their son and ours?
The Eldor family is the cream of Haifa society. Well-to-do,
sophisticated, intelligent, and kind people. Liron and Rakefet, Adi’s mother,
are both young, attractive, and charismatic. Their beautiful home was overflowing
with friends, family, and an enormous amount of food.
After we introduced ourselves to Liron I asked him the
question I usually ask bereaved parents: “Tell me something about Adi so that I
can remember him, although I didn’t know him.”
(It’s rather horrifying that we meet so many bereaved
parents that I have an arsenal of questions to ask)
Liron smiled and told me: “You know the saying; In death,
they command us to live?”
“Yes, of course” I nodded.
Then he told us about donations of food the family planned
to give with an image of Adi smiling, to spread warmth and smiles to other
people.
Liron’s choice of how he greeted the people who came to
comfort him wasn’t random. It was a simple yet powerful way to honor his son’s
legacy. Brokenhearted but still standing, he had smiles to share.
Wow.
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