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Thursday, May 27, 2021

Eschewing Term 'Abraham Accords,' Biden Admin Now Calling Israel 'Jewville' (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Abraham AccordsWashington, May 26 - Diplomatic sources in the White House and Department of State have confirmed that in addition to the current administration refraining from reference to last year's historic peace agreements between Israel and several Persian Gulf states by their proper name, so as to avoid implying any positive achievement by their predecessors, a quiet rhetorical change in nomenclature has also taken place, under which representatives of the administration refer not to "Israel" but instead refer to it as "Jewville."

Biden administration spokespeople indicated in separate on-background telephone interviews that a terminology shift is underway since the current president took office in January, whereby anyone providing an official stance must take pains not to allow the previous president, Donald Trump, any credit for his attainments while in office. Refusing to call the Abraham Accords by their official name, instead referring to them as "normalization agreements," helps to downplay that diplomatic coup by Trump and his adviser and son-in-law Jared Kushner in forging those agreements between Israel and several Gulf nations that once bitterly opposed the Jewish State.

"This rhetorical policy is of a piece with insisting that nothing effective to combat COVID happened under Trump, either," explained an aide to Secretary of State Antony Blinken. "Politics has become a zero-sum game. Conceding that Operation Warp Speed, for example, contributed to expedited availability of a vaccine - a vaccine that Biden himself got while Trump was still in office - or that Trump could have accomplished anything worthwhile internationally, would undermine the entire 'Trump-and-the-GOP-are-irredeemably-evil narrative that has served us so well with a sympathetic media. The term 'normalization agreements' conveys much a more lukewarm feeling about the agreements than 'Abraham Accords,' a name that automatically evokes epic, historical rapprochement between once-estranged brothers Isaac and Ishmael. Of course it won't do."

"The Jewville thing is just an extension of that thinking," added a White House staff member. "It's hard to grapple with the move of our embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, and the acknowledgment of Jerusalem as the country's capital - not to mention recognition of Jewville claims to the Golan Heights - so we have to work in other ways to weaken support for Isr- for the Zionist Entity. Trump was as enthusiastic a supporter of, of that place, as any president ever, probably more so, which has to mean that support for them is evil. Fortunately, that sensibility already dovetails with a vocal chunk of our die-hard voters and members."