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Thursday, August 20, 2020

We Will Recognize Israel In Exchange For Destroying Israel by Javad Zarif (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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We Will Recognize Israel In Exchange For Destroying Israel

by Javad Zarif, Minister of Foreign Affairs, Islamic Republic of Iran

Javad ZarifTehran, August 21 - Diplomacy and politics are all about compromise. Both arts require flexibility, creative thinking, and efforts to craft win-win situations in which all parties to the issue can walk away with a compelling argument that they gain from the outcome. Iran therefore proposes the following: the Islamic Republic will depart from its long-held position that Israel has no right to exist, and will grant full recognition of the Jewish State, and in return, that Jewish State will concede to our eliminating it by violent means.

The Zionist entity has persisted despite the best efforts of the Arab and Islamic worlds over the last century to thwart such imperialist ambitions, often dealing us setbacks once thought impossible for dhimmi people to achieve. They had help, of course, in the form of the Great Satan, as well as a knack for exploiting divisions among the Muslim states and parties, each of whom sometimes saw the conflict not as a jihad to liberate Dar al-Islam from infidel colonist usurpers, but as yet another arena in which to jockey for regional influence. Regardless of the mechanics of the phenomenon, the fait accompli of a Zionist state has worn down even some of its staunchest opponents, several of whom now maintain diplomatic and commercial ties with the entity. Iran recognizes certain historical inevitabilities.

At the same time, the Islamic Republic cannot abide the continued and deepening occupation of Islamic Waqf lands, an affront to the Islamic Umma and to Allah. Since the Umma - and of course Iran has always played a decisive leadership role in Islam; take that, House of Saud - will not countenance the ongoing violation of Palestine, but that Occupation stubbornly refuses to disappear, and in fact entrenches itself further as the years pass, even conducting successful pursuit of recognition from its erstwhile existential foes, only one way forward can break the dynamic of mutual exclusivity: Iran will grant the legitimacy and recognition that the Zionist entity craves, and we, in exchange, will eliminate that entity. Win-win.

Lest cynics argue that if Iran had the capacity to destroy the Zionist entity it would have done so already, it must be noted that the Islamic Republic has already demonstrated its ability to destroy other countries: Yemen, Lebanon, Syria, and to some extent, Iraq, which will never function independently from Tehran if we have anything to say about it.

The ball is now in the Zionists' court, but they will refuse, as they have always opposed resolution of the conflict.