During my current trip to Israel I am getting the opportunity to speak with many fascinating people. Yesterday I spoke on the phone to an expert on Iran, and when I introduced myself as the Elder of Ziyon he said he had to tell me a story that happened to him - about me.
This scholar was in Iran studying at a religious school in the late 1970s. He was 28 years old at the time. His fellow classmates knew he was Jewish and they told him all about the conspiracy theories they "knew" about Jewish world domination and the Elders of Zion.
He tried many times to disabuse them of this notion, but absolutely nothing he said could shake their conviction that the Elders guide the Jews who control the US which controls the world.
Finally, after months of not being able to convince them otherwise, this scholar decided to "confess" with the most outrageous conspiracy theory he could devise.
He told them that we Jews are superior and have extraordinarily advanced technology. All of us have been fitted with a nearly invisibly tiny zipper, a nano-zipper if you will, between the forehead and the hairline. If you look very, very closely, you can just about make it out, although he admitted that he couldn't quite see it in the mirror, perhaps they could see it.
Every night, the zipper is remotely opened and the Jews' brains are uploaded to "Conspiracy Central" there they are programmed by the Elders of Zion. When they wake up, they know what to do that day. Perhaps the program is activated by saying the "Modeh Ani prayer," I don't know.
The Jewish student went on to say that he was frustrated about this process, because he didn't want to be programmed - he wanted to be one of the Elders who create the program to tell other Jews what to do. Alas, he was too young to join the Elders at that time. Maybe one day.
He told me that you could have heard a pin drop as he spun this tale. The Iranian students bought this story completely.
Every one of these Iranian religious school students lined up to see if they could detect the tiny zipper on his forehead.
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