This letter, written by Irene, is sort of genius:
PERSONAL AND CONFIDENTIAL
Lady Catherine Ashton
High Representative of the Union for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy
and
Vice-President of the European Commission
Brussels
Excellency:
Because we met a few years ago in Ankara during the time of Turkey’s invasion of Iraq and its bombing of Iraqi civilian homes that Prime Minister Erdoğan believed to harbor PKK activists, I feel emboldened to write directly to you. You may recall that I had just been dismissed from my position as Senior Protocol Officer of the Republic of Azerbaijan by Armenian occupation officials.
I have several questions regarding the new directive “Guidelines on the eligibility of Israeli entities and their activities in the territories occupied by Israel since June 1967 for grants, prizes and financial instruments funded by the EU from 2014 onwards.”
1. My primary business is established (as defined in the directive) in Turkish occupied northern Cyprus, but I employ an individual whose great grandfather lived in Hebron in the West Bank during all 19 years of the Jordanian occupation when the whole area was ethnically cleansed of Jews. Am I eligible to apply for an EU grant to pay his salary?
2. I have a second business, incorporated and established, for tax purposes, in Rabat, but which is physically located in Moroccan occupied Western Sahara. We manufacture prayer flags for an important client in occupied Tibet; but the delivery truck broke down while transiting Jordan, which King Hussein, at the time of our incorporation, said was Palestine. (I believe his exact statement was, “Jordan is Palestine, and Palestine is Jordan.”) Because of the emergency nature of the shipment, we contracted with a trucking firm run by Hasidic individuals from Beitar Illit in the occupied West Bank. They are demanding advance payment in the currency previously used in western Georgia before the Russian invasion. Are we eligible for a short-term loan from the European Investment Bank?
3. I have a third business that my Jewish great aunt established in Jerusalem’s ancient Jewish Quarter on the very day that General Allenby arrived with British Forces in their effort to protect the civilians of Albion from Ottoman aggression thousands of miles away. (Of course, that was before it became an international crime for Jews to live in East Jerusalem.) This firm exports pastis to customers in French-occupied Corsica and also to Bilbao in the Spanish occupied Basque region. If I establish a dummy corporation in British occupied Gibraltar, will my pastis meet European Union specifications, or will I have to ship it to the Falklands for reprocessing?
I am so appreciative of your attention to this matter. I remain a committed fan of your clear vision for the future of civilization as we know it. Your many pronouncements on the ethics of occupation and the need to maintain the rule of international law throughout the cosmos have been an inspiration to so many of us. I look forward to meeting you when you come to Riyadh in the fall for the International End to Feminism Conference.
Allow me, Excellency, to renew to you the assurances of my highest consideration.
Yours profoundly,
Ağcabədi Ağdaş
President and Chief Financial Officer
Bərdə Beyləqan Biləsuvar, Ltd.
