Hosni Abu Ghreib figures he has a good deal. The militant, who spent four years on the run from Israeli forces, says he’s hung up his mask in exchange for a Palestinian police uniform and a steady paycheck - and he still has his gun.
The jobs-for-fugitives program is the Palestinian answer to charges that they have failed to crack down on militants, as Israel and the United States demand. The Palestinians reply that they are succeeding in getting the militants off the streets without confrontations.
About 200 gunmen have joined the Palestinian security forces in the towns of Tulkarem and Jericho since they were handed over to Palestinian control in March, said Palestinian legislator Abdel Fattah Hemayel, who is in charge of finding work for the West Bank fugitives - claiming that all the fugitives are off the streets now.
Abbott: Great news, Costello! The fugitives are off the streets now and we don't have to worry about them having guns!
Costello: That's great news! Are they in jail?
Abbott: No, they're off the streets.
Costello: So they are under house arrest then.
Abbott: No, they're off the streets.
Costello: OK, but where exactly are they?
Abbott: They got jobs!
Costello: The terrorists got jobs?
Abbott: Of course.
Costello: What are they doing?
Abbott: They are policemen!
Costello: And where are they working?
Abbott: On the streets!
Costello: And what do they need to do their jobs?
Abbott: Guns!
Costello: So the terrorists are off the streets.
Abbott: Absolutely.
Costello: And they are working in the streets.
Abbott: Naturally, where else?
Costello: And we don't have to worry about their guns.
Abbott: Not at all.
Costello: Because they have their guns.
Abbott: Naturally, what is a policeman without a gun?
Costello: And we are supposed to be happy about this?
Abbott: I'm very happy. The fugitives are gone!
Costello: Where did they go?
Abbott: They got jobs!
Costello: On the street, with guns.
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Where were they before?
Abbott: On the street.
Costello: With...?
Abbott: Guns.
Costello: So what is the difference between before and now?
Abbott: Before, they were fugitives from the law!
Costello: And now....?
Abbott: They are policemen!
Costello (dizzy): Sworn to uphold...
Abbott: The law!
Costello: So they switched sides?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: Did they sign anything saying they will uphold the law?
Abbott: Costello, I'm surprised at you! Of course not! That would be demeaning!
Costello: Demeaning?
Abbott: Demeaning!
Costello: That's what I want to find out, demeaning of all this!
Abbott: It is all for peace!
Costello: Come again?
Abbott: This is how the Palestinians are enforcing peace!
Costello: By hiring terrorists?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: And giving them guns?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: So why is it peaceful now and it wasn't before?
Abbott: Now, they are getting paid to have guns and stay on the streets!
Costello: So, if the fugitives are now peaceful policemen, who are the criminals?
Abbott: Militants!
Costello: Militants.
Abbott: Militants!
Costello: Weren't the fugitives militants too?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: And now they are...
Abbott: Policemen.
Costello: Fighting their old friends, the...
Abbott. Militants.
Costello: Say, I have an idea. Why not declare all criminals to be policemen and then there won't be any more crime!
Abbott: Don't be silly.
Costello: Silly?
Abbott: Of course. That can't happen until the EU gives enough money to pay all those extra policemen.
Costello: AAAAAAARGH!