Elder Of Ziyon - Israel News: Preoccupied

Showing posts with label Preoccupied. Show all posts

Thursday, January 09, 2020

Police Baffled At Zero Murders Amid Jerusalem Gentrification (PreOccupied Territory)

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: Credit: Footballkickit via Wikimedia Commons

Jerusalem, January 13 - The historic neighborhood of Nachlaot in the center of this city has seen numerous demographic shifts in its decades-long transition from slum to hipster, yet despite the phenomenon as the obvious root cause of stabbing and shooting attacks in New York and New Jersey, law enforcement officials expressed puzzlement this week at the mysterious lack of such crimes here.

Police officials scratched their collective heads at a meeting this week with residents, where they admitted they simply cannot account for the absence of violent murders sparked by the neighborhood's gentrification. Moriah District Deputy Chief Dam Yehudi-Hefker informed attendees that the axiomatic link between rising real estate prices and the murder of Jews appears not to affect Nachlaot's development, a fact that defies predictions.

"Everyone discussing Monsey and Jersey City knows gentrification is the real problem," he stated, referring to stabbing and shooting attacks on Orthodox Jews that left three dead and many more injured. "All the social activists made that clear. It couldn't be just antisemitism; that would be absurd. With that in mind we've been looking at the crime statistics for Nachlaot, and for other Jerusalem neighborhoods in the throes of gentrification, and we're not seeing the violence that the phenomenon produces in the New York area. We're flummoxed."

The current neighborhood of Nachlaot evolved from walled-in settlements outside the Old City beginning in the 1870's, as overcrowding, disease, and other urban ailments drove residents and Jewish philanthropists to seek solutions that provided relief. In the many decades since, the separate walled communities grew together into a larger amalgam, but for most of its existence Nachlaot remained a bastion of low-income families living barely over subsistence level. Influxes of immigrants from Arab and Muslim countries that expelled them during the State of Israel's infancy added to the mix. The low rent and dilapidated apartments also attracted students and foreign workers on a limited budget, further diversifying the polity. But beginning in the 1990's, wealthier buyers and developers identified the immense potential of Nachlaot's location smack dab in the middle of the city, a five-minute walk from the bustling downtown, just as the second or third generation of longtime residents began to seek more spacious neighborhoods, or other places in Israel entirely, to raise their own families. Nevertheless, not a single stabbing or shooting - or murder of any sort, police report - has accompanied this trend, and both police and experts remain baffled.

"Maybe the law of averages will catch up," mused a municipal official. "There is certainly no shortage of folks not too far east of here who would enjoy enthusiastic participation in an effort to bring the stabbing and shooting statistics in line with what's expected."

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NY Times Calls Baghdad Embassy Assault "Vigil Against Antisemitism" (PreOccupied Territory)

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: Credit: Mehr News Agency

New York, January 2 - The Paper of Record followed up its delicate terminology in referring to violent attackers as "protesters" and "mourners" Thursday with a description of the Iran-backed mobs surrounding and invading the US embassy in Iraq's capital as demonstrating in solidarity with the embattled US Jewish ethnic minority.

The New York Times coverage of the embassy storming began Tuesday with pro-Tehran propaganda in the guise of impartial journalism, then proceeded Wednesday to invoke issues of questionable connection to the episode, but which allow the publication to paint Iranian machinations with a sympathetic brush. That tendency began in earnest in the lead-up to the 2015 nuclear deal with the Islamic Republic, when the Times carried water for the Obama administration and helped marginalize opponents of the arrangement, most notably supporters of Israel who raised concerns that the deal enabled, rather than constrained, Iran in its hegemonic ambitions. Iranian leaders have repeatedly stated intentions to destroy Israel or have predicted the Jewish state's demise.

In describing the embassy storming as a "vigil against antisemitism," the Times drew parallels to an actual vigil taking place in the New York area, where increasing antisemitic attacks have turned deadly in the last several weeks. That vigil, which organizers touted as opposing "all bigotry," involved no one from the "ultra-orthodox" Jewish communities most affected by the current wave of assaults; it served as a vehicle for social justice activists to showcase their concern and pet causes, some of which bear a direct causal relationship to increased antisemitism in the American public sphere.

Sympathetic descriptors of malign people or entities emerged long before the Times selected the "mourners" and "vigil" terminology: the Washington Post obituary headline for arch-terrorist Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi of the Islamic State, for example, called him an "austere religious scholar." The Post and Times have engaged in a years-long campaign to outdo each other in sympathy for groups and ideologies that may espouse genocidal, misogynistic, homophobic, racist agendas, but at least they oppose President Donald Trump, which redeems other offenses.

Editors at the times declined to disclose what other unconventional nomenclature they intend to employ, but experts predict with some confidence that its effect will swing in an anti-Israel, anti-American, anti-Jewish, anti-religious, or anti-West direction. "We've only ever seen these rhetorical devices go one way," observed media consultant Tenn Denschuss. "For some reason no headline writer there ever fails to live up to healthy journalistic standards in a way that actually makes Israel look good, for example. Quite remarkable."

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If Arafat Were Alive Today He'd Be Horrified To Find Himself Entombed by Marwan Barghouti (Preoccupied Territory)

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If Arafat Were Alive Today He'd Be Horrified To Find Himself Entombed

by Marwan Barghouti

: Credit: BDalim via Wikimedia Commons

Kishon Prison, December 26 - Much has changed since our beloved Raïs passed away in 2004, some of which he would appreciate, and some of which he would decry. But perhaps the most important thing the legendary Yasser Arafat would notice if he were among the living today, and which would spark his unmitigated disapproval, is that he lies interred in Ramallah.

Abu Amar, as we often called him, came to personify the Palestinian national struggle; despite his bitter differences with leaders of other factions among our people, no one before or since could make a more convincing case for the last, and perhaps only, consensus figure among our leadership. If he lived and breathed now, he would certainly find discouraging the worsening divisions between, for example, Fatah and Hamas, and the fact that we stand nowhere appreciably closer to the hoped-for liberation of our homeland than when he departed this mortal coil. That, and the fact that he wouldn't be living and breathing for long under all that dirt and concrete.

Some might try to alert the Raïs to the momentous departure of Israel, settlers, soldiers, and all, from the entirety of the Gaza Strip in 2005, presaging, we all hoped, a similar development in the rest of Palestine. I contend he would remain unswayed by that observation, for three main reasons: no such retrenchment of Zionist settlements has followed - the opposite, they have only expanded in the decade-and-a-half since; Fatah lost its short-lived control of the Gaza Strip soon after, as irreconcilable rifts widened between the movement and Hamas; and his attention would be unable to focus on any supposed victories while entirely occupied by the dark, airless tomb in which he would find himself.

What would our larger-than-life, legendary leader say if he came back to life today? Would he marvel at the new town of Rawabi? Would he nod approvingly at the continued misery of those who dwell in refugee camps after four generations rather than admit the attempt to drive in the Jews into the sea in 1948 has failed? Would he criticize his political heirs' enriching themselves on funds provided for the benefit of ordinary Palestinians, when those leaders, after all, are just following his example? Would he see as wisdom or folly the continued refusal of any Palestinian leadership to outline a feasible, reasonable resolution to our conflict with Israel? In my assessment, he would panic at being entombed, and soon suffocate back to death.

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Organizers Shocked That Bethlehem Christmas Tree Not Supposed To Have Bombs Underneath (PreOccupied Territory)

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Bethlehem, Palestinian Authority, December 19 - Nonplussed community and government officials expressed puzzlement and surprise today upon encountering the fact that the public display of yuletide symbols includes no traditional elements geared toward violent opposition to Jewish sovereignty.

Municipal and national leaders initially refused to believe a reporter who questioned whether bombs belonged underneath the large Christmas tree in Manger Square here in the town Christian tradition associates with the birth of Jesus. A brief flurry of internet research disabused the officials of their error, which led them to express again and again disbelief that no such practice exists.

"I could swear that's what the tree is for - I mean, what else do you stow under it? Non-explosive toys? Don't be ridiculous," stammered a confused Deputy Mayor Issa Fashla. "The Christmas tree has always been a symbol of Palestinian resistance to Zionist aggression."

"Next you're going to tell me the ball-like things you hang from the tree aren't hand grenades," challenged Palestinian Authority representative Fadikha Majnoun, referring to decorative baubles. "Wait, you're serious. They're not? No way. No way," he continued, interjecting a profanity into the phrase.

Ignorance of authentic Christmas traditions surrounding the ornamental tree stems in part from the rapid decline in the Christian population of Bethlehem under Palestinian rule, says analyst Rich Ewell. "There are only a few thousand left, whereas there were tens of thousands of Christians in the town when it was under Israeli rule" prior to the Oslo Accords of 1993 that granted Palestinians self-rule, he explained. "Muslim intimidation and mistrust have driven many Christians from the cradle of their faith, leaving a token presence there that dares not speak ill of the majority population or its official anti-Israel positions. They obviously haven't felt it was their place to inform the organizers that Christmas is a time of peace and goodwill, or at least haven't felt they could do so safely."

Discovery that traditional Christmas displays such as the tree or Nativity scenes contain no violent elements or messages of enmity toward Jews and Jewish sovereignty will not change official Palestinian plans, declared Fashla. "Let's get real," he stated. "Everything gets subordinated to the national struggle, especially the truth. You think I don't know it wasn't Yasser Arafat who established the custom of setting up a fir tree to mark the holiday? But some values are more important. Believe me, I know it was actually the Prophet Muhammad."

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Study: Israeli Elections Rampant Because Kids Play Election-Filled Video Games (PreOccupied Territory)

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Tel Aviv, December 12 - Researchers seeking to explain the many more rounds of voting citizens of the Jewish State must endure than their predecessors did have seized on the realization that the current generation of voters grew up during and immediately following an explosion in the prevalence of virtual interactive entertainment, leading them to conclude that the increase in parliamentary balloting results from prolonged exposure to the influence of that entertainment.

Academics in the Political Science and Sociology departments at Tel Aviv University announced today the findings of a study they conducted beginning with the first instance of elections in 2019, this past April, but which took on heightened relevance as another round of voting took place in September - with yet another to come in March 2020. The study looked at the close correlation between the increase in election frequency and the rise of immersive video games, and concluded that a causative relationship exists between the latter and the former. The study appeared in this week's issue of the journal Specious.

"We observed a direct relationship between the prevalence of video games and the increase in size of the electoral cohort that grew up playing those games," the article stated. "Closer examination led us to the realization that given the axiom that exposure to violent video games produces a more violent society, an analogous dynamic must be in play in Israeli society: video games with gratuitous elections in them leading to unnecessary and harmful elections in the real world."

The researchers also pointed to the relative paucity in neighboring Palestinian society - and all the Arab or Muslim societies in the region - of both a robust cohort of gamers or former gamers, and therefore of elections. "By examining the negative hypothesis as well," the article continued, "we determined that the relationship carries significance. Palestinian elections have not taken place in more than a decade, and examination of the prevalence of video games in Palestinian society reveals insignificant levels of such activity. The causative link also exists in wider Arab society throughout the Middle East, where both video games and regular elections of any real democratic import remain vanishingly rare."

Researchers offered few specifics for practical measures the link suggests. "The phenomenon deserves further study," the article concludes. "We recommend related interdisciplinary explorations, such as any correlations between blindness to left-wing antisemitism in video games and the same feature of large swaths of Western society, or between the lack of female gamers playing driving-related games and the common understanding of women as inferior drivers."

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Fight Erupts Between Jews Planting Ancient Zionist Evidence And God Planting Fossils (PreOccupied Territory)

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Jerusalem, December 5 - Time-traveling Zionists tasked with manufacturing a convincing ancient history for Jewish presence and sovereignty in the Holy Land clashed with the Creator, witnesses report, over the former seeking to place objects in the same spot where the latter intended to place dinosaur bones as a test of faith in the literal truth of Scripture.

Eyewitness accounts place a group of three or four Zionist time-travelers at the scene of a hillside argument with the LORD this afternoon, with each side claiming precedence over the other for the privilege of planting fake historical or prehistorical evidence. Reports indicate that the LORD relented, allowing the Zionists to construct an elaborate series of structures with distinctly Jewish features such as ritual baths on the site, and to strew the bones of only kosher animal species, among other activities, while the Creator Himself selected a spot a short distance away that also proved suitable for the placement of paleontologic hoax material.

"As I understand it, the Zionists conceded that God did in fact have precedence," recalled an eyewitness. "They were simply arguing for some divine flexibility, given that they had planned a complicated site-specific project that would take an enormous amount of time and effort to adapt for some other location, whereas the Almighty could alter reality at will and simply adapt some other location for His purposes."

"God didn't like that idea, mostly because He appears to prefer working with what's already there," added a second observer. "But it all worked out, if I recall correctly, because there was a place nearby that worked for the fossil thingies just as well as the original site.

Zionist time-travelers still operated at the site as of this evening, engaging in planting such items as coins minted to designate a certain period; potsherds associated with specific groups; and clay seals with names of personalities in the Bible. The group also spread ash at a certain underground level to indicate destruction of a Jewish town congruent with Biblical accounts.

The LORD, meanwhile, expressed satisfaction that He had planted the right fossils in the right place to fool those unwilling to believe the plain text in its strictest sense, so that He could reward those who disregard the eyes and capacity for rational analysis that He also planted within them.

"This is gonna be great," the Almighty pronounced. "I can't wait to see the hullabaloo that this sparks."

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Rights Groups: Lack Of Palestinian Flags In Hong Kong Means They Don't Really Want Freedom (PreOccupied Territory)

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Hong Kong, November 28 - Months of pro-democracy and anti-Beijing protests in this former British possession, governed by China for the last twenty years, features zero or very few banners with the red, black, white, and green symbol of Palestinian national aspirations, human rights organizations have noted, which they note indicates the demonstrators are not serious about achieving the political liberty to which they claim to aspire.

Representatives of Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International issued statements Thursday relating to the ongoing demonstrations, which began several months ago and have shown no sign of letting up. International coverage of the developments appears to have muted a harsher crackdown by Chinese Communist authorities, but the latter refuse to relinquish tight control over what has to date been an island of economic and political freedom in a sea of Beijing's authoritarian system. The human rights organizations observed that all genuine liberation movements have their roots in the Palestinian national struggle, and thus if the people of Hong Kong truly desired freedom they would hold Palestinian flags aloft in large numbers, not the symbols of oppression and colonialism that the US and British flags they do wave represent.

"Everyone knows it all comes back to Palestine," remarked Omar Shakir of Human Rights Watch. "If your movement doesn't work to free Palestine, it's no freedom movement at all. If the protesters in Hong Kong want the human rights community to take them seriously, they're going to have to get serious about making their struggle about Palestine. Otherwise they can forget about our support."

"I can't help but draw parallels to Iran," stated Amnesty representative Dhimmi Carter. "The ongoing unrest there has some similar characteristics, but the one that stands out in my mind is the similar under-representation of Palestinian aspirations. For the same reason we can dismiss that cause as insincere, especially given all the support for Palestinian rights that Tehran has provided over the years in the form of weapons, military training, cash cash weapons, cash for digging tunnels into Israel, whatever. The arrests, torture, and other mistreatment of Iranians are a problem, of course, but as our colleague Human Rights Watch Director Ken Roth pointed out earlier this week, Iran deserve praise for the way it attacked Saudi Arabia with missiles. On balance, Iran does good, with its support for the Palestinian cause the foremost example."

The rights workers suggested that if Palestinian flags prove hard to come by in Hong Kong, protesters could always express solidarity with Palestinians by attacking Jews.

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Environmentalist Joins Hobo's 'The End Is Nigh' Procession (PreOccupied Territory)

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Tel Aviv, November 21 - An activist worried that human-driven climate change will doom civilization and disrupt the planet's fragile ecosystems within twelve years has found a kindred spirit in a homeless man who spends much of his time pacing back and forth near a downtown street corner with a placard warning of the imminent demise of humanity.

Yona Kassander, 27, came upon a man two weeks ago known to locals as Efi, a street-dweller who most observers estimate has reached past the age of seventy, and whose chief pursuit involves warning passers by of the coming end of the world, both by means of signs declaring the apocalypse nigh and by yelling. Kassander found the man's message resonated with her ecological sensibilities, and in the time since has dedicated at least two hours per day to sitting, marching, holding signs, and chanting at others with her new friend about society's imminent collapse.

"I feel like I've crossed some important borders with this initiative," she gushed on her way to a yoga session following an afternoon with Efi. "Too often the movement to raise awareness and effect real change fails to engage the disempowered elements of society. It's gratifying to know that I've established this connection with someone far outside my socioeconomic stratum, with whom I have so little in common, but with whom I can partner on challenging to world to wake up and do something before we destroy our planet."

"Repent!" concurred Efi, waving a placard at a reporter. "Repent! Mend your ways! Doom is coming for all! Got any spare change?"

Pedestrians, commuters, cyclists and others in the vicinity remarked on the incongruity of the two different personalities demonstrating together. "Who?" wondered a software developer returning to work from lunch. "Oh. Huh. Well, you don't have to be homeless to be crazy, I guess."

"I don't know what that's all about," commented a delivery driver, "but I do know whatsername's favorite herbal infusion has to be delivered from the Far East, and it's not walking here itself, so I don't know whom she thinks she's kidding with that carbon emissions crap."

"It's coming," added Efi, wagging an admonishing finger at a group of tourists who kept their distance. "No one will escape! Not you in your fancy car, not you in your iPhone!"

The septuagenarian hobo expressed only confusion when asked how the current environmental and ecological crisis relates to his prophecies of doom.

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Iran Reaffirms Resolve To Fight Israel Down To Last Palestinian (PreOccupied Territory)

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Tehran, November 14 - Leaders of the Islamic Republic asserted again their commitment to combating the existence of the Jewish State until no more Palestinians remain as proxies for that combat, officials in the capital declared today.

An official announcement by the Ministries of Foreign Affairs and of Defense today, in conjunction with the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps - Quds Force, declared these and other Iranian entities willing to fight Israel down to the last Palestinian.

"So sacred is the mission to liberate Palestine from the usurper and so devoted our we to the freedom of our Palestinian brethren that we will not rest until every last Palestinian is expended in the prosecution of that holy duty," the statement read. "If it takes seven more decades to undo the injustice of Western Zionist colonialism in the home of Al-Aqsa, no matter how many Palestinian lives it costs, so be it. To this we pledge our honor and our souls."

Iran has served as the chief financier and source of arms for Palestinian Islamic Jihad, the terrorist organization operating out of the Gaza Strip that has fired the vast majority of the hundreds of rockets aimed at Israeli civilian areas in the last several days. The Islamic Republic has pursued a similar agenda via Lebanese in Lebanon, Syrians and other in Syria, and Yemenis in Yemen, paid to put themselves in harm's way in order to advance Iran's regional ambitions, one of which appears to be the use of non-Iranians as cannon fodder.

"Our Palestinian brothers may remain calmer and more steadfast in their efforts to expel the Zionist invader, now that they know how much we continue to support them, and will continue to support their efforts," the statement continued. "We encourage you, O Palestinians, to drive out the imperialist dogs, persisting in your dedication to this sacred task as long as necessary. We will supply you with whatever you need until there are no more left of you to supply."

"Now go forth and fight, brave soldiers!" the Iranians exhorted their Palestinian allies. "Our mighty treasury stands behind you, as we do. About a thousand kilometers behind, to be more specific, because we, uh, we don't want to get in your way or anything. Yeah. We would just be a nuisance, fighting there with you or doing anything directly. This is your fight, after all. In which we support you. Every last one of you."

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Iron Dome Intercepting Rockets Silences Legitimate Criticism Of Israel (PreOccupied Territory)

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Iron Dome Intercepting Rockets Silences Legitimate Criticism Of Israel

by Every Single Antisemite Masquerading as Just an Anti-Zionist as if There's a Meaningful Distinction

London, New York, Washington, wherever, November 7 - We see it everywhere: people who raise genuine, sincere criticisms of Israeli policy by calling for the total ostracism and dissolution of the world's only Jewish state, branded as antisemitic for sharing their views. The world must not tolerate such an overreaction to criticism, which is why, among many other measures, the international community must work to deprive Israel of its missile defense and other defensive systems that specifically target the legitimate criticisms of Israeli policy.

An activist cannot raise even a single suggestion that perhaps the Jews should remain non-sovereign, stateless, and at the mercy of peoples and ideologies responsible for millennia of persecution, without some stooge of the Jewish-controlled media labeling him antisemitic. It has reached the point that even prominent figures in American government, the so-called land of the free and home of the brave, cannot indulge in semi-plausible Jew-baiting and get a free pass - not even by playing the Islamophobia card. The only way to restore the freedom to call or work for the annihilation of Jewish sovereignty in the ancestral Jewish homeland without suffering the indignity of being called a bigot or worse is to dismantle the mechanisms by which such potent criticism is neutralized. Iron Dome must go.

The same applies to the various other organs of Israel's missile defense, such as the Arrow and David's Sling programs, as well as Trophy and Patriot systems, but let us not restrict our efforts to ensure legitimate criticism of Israel to only those elements of the dynamic. We must dismantle the entire security and defense apparatus of the State of Israel, an apparatus that has done nothing over the last seven-plus decades but frustrate the attempts of critics to criticize: bombings, shootings, stabbings, vehicular assaults, missile attacks, hijackings, gassing attempts, and numerous other cogent statements of criticism. Remove the IDF and its related organs, and we remove the suppression of legitimate criticism of Israel.

But we cannot accomplish all that at once; the gradual restoration of total freedom to criticize Israel must start somewhere, as the formulation among anti-Zionists always goes, and the initial focal point must be the most noticeable barrier between the criticism and Israel - its missile and rocket interception systems. Once we meet success in that endeavor, we can move on to the dismantling of other restrictions on legitimate criticism of Israel, until we reach that glorious day when everyone will be free to criticize Israel in any manner whatsoever from the River to the Sea.

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'Monsters, Inc.' Documentary Explores Israel Harvesting Palestinian Children's Screams For Energy (PreOccupied Territory)

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Ramallah, October 31 - Academics and political advocates focusing on the Middle East in general and Palestinian issues in particular have expressed puzzlement that a groundbreaking 2001 film exploring Israel's exploitation of Palestinian children's terrified reactions to its monstrous presence to produce electrical power attracts little to no attention from important audiences.

Monsters, Inc. launched in 2001 and at the time made significant cultural impact, but, activists observe, has had no measurable lasting effect on the discourse around Israel-Palestine, a fact that has prompted them to wonder whether sinister, repressive forces have managed to silence such a powerful public relations tool.

The 90-minute documentary follows the events over several days in a secret Israeli facility that processes Scream, a form of energy that Israeli soldiers and agents extract from innocent Palestinian children by scaring them. Over the last several decades, cumulative Israeli atrocities and crimes have resulted in more resistant, harder-to-scare children, forcing Israel to resort to more and more extreme measures to secure fuel for its increasing energy needs. The forecast shortfall in energy production leads Israels leadership to new depths of crime and depravity involving the abduction of Palestinian children for experimental new scream-extraction methods that demonstrate no regard for whether the child lives or dies.

"This should have been a watershed moment in the history of the conflict," observed Omar Barghouti, who has campaigned for years to get companies, artists, and institutions to boycott Israel over its treatment of Palestinians, all while earning a postgraduate degree at Tel Aviv University. "This film had a brief moment when the whole world was abuzz with it, but that seems to have faded, and that's unfortunate. No one talks about Palestine except for every organ of the UN, a disproportionate number of NGOs, and tens of thousands of political and cultural figures."

Some academics believe that while overall the documentary tells a solid story of Israeli evil and Palestinian innocence, it took some liberties with the presentation. "The whole fantasy sequence where everything is resolved through laughter is a nice dream, but that should have been left out as unrealistic," remarked commentator Reza Aslan. "The only way to stop the real Scream Extractor from terrorizing Palestinian children is to destroy Israel, because there's always some Jewish tentacled beast trying to oppress and control while looking respectable and moral. I also suspect those of us who might otherwise have been more vocal have been silenced by the Mossad-trained CDA."

"Also, for some reason everything was in English. That was a weird choice."

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