The Arab world has an empathy problem.
Yes.
I said it.
Don't
jump on me, hear me out. This is not about being derogatory to an
entire culture, this is about a little discussed but very dangerous
trend that is effecting the entire world.
Yes.
This is a generalization. Again - this is NOT about individuals, it's
about a culture.
To
clarify (because many people find this confusing):
Not all Arabs are Muslim, there are Arab Christians too. In addition, not all Muslims are Arabs; for example the Muslims in Iran, Indonesia and Africa (who are converts to Islam). Arab culture stems from Islamic domination but is not consigned only to people of Muslim faith. There is an empathy problem in the Arab world. People of Arab decent raised in Western cultures will have more difficulty identifying with what I am writing. Looking to the Middle East (and ideology exported from the Middle East) things become more clear.
Not all Arabs are Muslim, there are Arab Christians too. In addition, not all Muslims are Arabs; for example the Muslims in Iran, Indonesia and Africa (who are converts to Islam). Arab culture stems from Islamic domination but is not consigned only to people of Muslim faith. There is an empathy problem in the Arab world. People of Arab decent raised in Western cultures will have more difficulty identifying with what I am writing. Looking to the Middle East (and ideology exported from the Middle East) things become more clear.
Empathy:
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. To be
moved by the joy of another, to feel someone else's pain. A word
seldom used, an idea seldom discussed... where does empathy come
from? What happens when it is missing?
Nature
abhors a vacuum. Where there is a lack of empathy, something else
will enter the void and take its place.
In
recent years it has become impossible to ignore the violence that
seems to permeate the Arab world. 9/11, 7/7 and an ever increasing
list of terror attacks have brought Arab violence in to focus:
violence against women, animals, gays and the handicapped –
violence against anyone weak. 'Honor killings,' fathers killing their
own daughters, sons killing their own mothers in the name of 'honor'.
Violence against Christians, Jews… Muslims killing Muslims that are
not the right kind of Muslim. Muslims killing Muslims, killing their
own neighbors. Trading in slaves. Terrorism: Muslim Brotherhood,
Hamas, Al Qaeda, ISIS, Jabat Al Nusra, Boko Haram, Al Shabab,
Hezbollah, Hizbut Tahrir… Did I miss anyone?
Even
the most politically correct amongst us have difficulty explaining it
away: "its workplace violence," "because poverty,"
"because Israel." None of these often postulated "reasons"
stand up under scrutiny. Others, knowing there is no excusing the
inexcusable, often go to the other extreme, saying that the solution
is to ban all Arabs (i.e. all Muslims). There are those who add all
kinds of unhelpful descriptions, the most popular being "monsters"
and "in-human animals".
None
of this does any good. In fact it is exactly the opposite: BOTH
attitudes create a lot of damage. Turning a blind eye to atrocities
does not make them go away. Defining people as monsters is equally
damaging. Monsters can only be expected to behave in a monstrous
fashion.
The
true horror is that we are talking about people. It is people
that are hurting other people (and animals) in atrocious, sickening
ways.
The
real question is: how can people commit acts of unspeakable violence
and cruelty?
And
the very politically incorrect but oh so crucial question: Why are
atrocious acts so common in Arab society?
How
could 17 year old, Muhammad Tarayra, sneak in to Hallel Yaffa
Ariel's bedroom, look at the sleeping 13 year old and think it
reasonable, even honorable, to slit her throat? How could his mother
declare that she is proud that her son is a murderer?
How?
Why?
It
is not enough to say: "hatred flamed by incitement". There
is something sacred about the life of a person. It takes an enormous
void, a deep darkness inside to get to the point where it feels right
to take the life of a child. Something is terribly wrong with the
mother that rejoices in the death of her son, rejoices that he ripped
away the life of someone else's child.
Neither
saw Hallel as a person. To them, no life is sacred. Not hers or their
own. There is no horror in slaughtering a child in her own bed. That
was only a means to an end and thus both justifiable and
praiseworthy.
This
is not the existence of hatred for hatred burns itself out. Hatred
can be transformed in to love – both are strong emotions, passions
that are flipsides of the same coin. This is the lack of emotion, the
inability to identify with emotions – not Hallel's, nor those of
the people who loved her or even their own.
Empathy
starts with small things. Early in life.
I
have Arab friends (does that surprise you?). They are good, decent
people. They aren't terrorist or violent, they are just normal people
trying to live normal lives. With all that, it was in their home that
I recognized the empathy problem.
A
small incident connected the dots for me, something most people would
probably overlook. It happened when they were playing with their
grandson.
Their
first grandson, a boy named after the grandfather, is a source of
extreme pride and joy. They love the boy very much, spoil him rotten
and would do practically anything for him.
I
watched the grandmother take the grandson, a toddler about one year
old, lift him high in the air and then roll him down her chest in a
kind of summersault. The grandmother was laughing at the game she
invented. The baby, frightened by the height and being turned
upside-down began to cry. She knew it was just a game, nothing bad
would happen so she continued – up in the air, flip upside-down,
laughing while he cried.
The
grandmother, did not feel the fear of her beloved grandson. A woman
who would never purposely hurt this child in any way, scared him and
laughed while he cried. She could not feel his pain. She had no
empathy for him.
This
is just a tiny incident but it is one amongst countless incidents in
a life. A message from the people closest to this child, the people
who will be the most influential in forming his personality.
If
the people closest to him do not recognize his pain, if they laugh
when he cries, what will he learn?
If,
when he grows a bit older, he hurts an animal and it cries out in
pain, will it be so strange for him to respond by laughing? (This
too, I have seen far too many times.)
When
he grows up and gets married, if he hurts his wife, emotionally or
physically and she cries, how will he respond? Will it be strange if
he does not see a reason to reach out in compassion?
Remember,
this is a good family. A kind and decent family. What happens in
families that are cruel and violent? In families that pro-actively
support violent activities?
Most
people are focusing on the manifestations of violence. I think we
should take a good hard look at their source. Understanding the cause
is the beginning of the solution.
It's
all about empathy.
It
begins with small incidents, very early in life. The void created by
the lack of empathy is an open door, beckoning for violence to enter.
The problem begins small but it is like a vacuum in space that pulls
everything in to it. Light does not shine in the vacuum, everything
implodes inwards.
The
Arab world has an empathy problem. A big problem. And we are all
suffering from the consequences.
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