Saudi Vice, episode 18: Pet Peeve

Dogs and cats are cute. And this is what makes them evil.

In addition, it is of course against Sharia law to own a dog as a pet.

But beyond that...what woman can resist petting an adorable dog or cat? It is impossible to imagine that she wouldn't, because women are so inherently weak.

Some unsavory Saudi men have noticed this female weakness, and have taken advantage of it. They would wantonly walk dogs in public areas, forcing chaste Saudi women - against their conscious will - to pet and coo over these hideous beasts that are denigrated in the holy hadiths. Once they pet the animals, it is only a short step to full-blown adultery with the dog owner.

So it is imperative that innocent Saudi women and girls be protected from their evil petting impulses. But how can we protect them?

Luckily, our heroes, the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice, have the solution. They have outlawed everyone in Saudi Arabia from owning pet dogs and cats.

Othman al-Othman, head of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice in Riyadh, known as the Muttawa, told the Saudi edition of al-Hayat daily that the commission was implementing a decision taken a month ago by the acting governor of the capital, Prince Sattam bin Abdul Aziz, adding that it follows an old edict issued by the supreme council of Saudi scholars.

The reason behind reinforcing the edict now was a rising fashion among some men using pets in public "to make passes on women and disturb families," he said, without giving more details.

Othman said that the commission has instructed its offices in the capital to tell pet shops "to stop selling cats and dogs".

Thanks to Allah and the Commission, innocent Saudi women can now walk the streets freely without being forced to stop themselves from petting dogs and cats.

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Saudi Vice, episode 13: Lockdown!

We have already seen many of the adventures of our heroes, the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice. But what happens to the perps after the crime was committed? How does the Commission ensure that these lowlife immoral scum - especially the women - are never allowed to corrupt upstanding Saudi citizens any more?

The brilliant mullahs who guide our heroes have a foolproof, fail-safe method of ensuring the purity of Saudi society. From the Saudi Gazette, referring to Saudi women's prisons:

[S]ome inmates who had been indiscriminately arrested by the Commission for Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice on charges of illegal actions stay in custody indefinitely, simply because the commission never gets around to pressing charges...

Brilliant! If they never get charged, they can never go free!

And what about those that did manage to get sentenced? As the National Human Rights Society found:

In a surprise visit to the Berman Prison in Jeddah last week, the National Human Rights Society (NHRS) found that four female inmates have AIDS, and two others suffer from Tuberculosis.

She said the delegation was stunned to learn that King Saud Hospital in Jeddah had turned down repeated requests to conduct HIV tests for the female inmates, claiming that the test is too expensive.

The NHRS’s team, headed by Jawhara Al-Anqari, the Society’s Deputy Chairman for Family Affairs, also found that there were Saudi women who were still in prison after they had completed their jail terms, because their families refused to receive them....

Furthermore, the delegation found that all the prisoners were being kept in the same dormitories, regardless of age and crime records.

So the Commission wisely throws women in prison when they are suspected of horrific crimes like "khulwa" and while in prison they might be stuck there forever, exposed to other prisoners who are only murderers or the like, and exposed to diseases that can kill them.

Thus ensuring that they never, ever get back on the streets where they might entice young men into a meal at a public restaurant.

Our heroes have saved Saudi society's purity yet again!

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Saudi Vice, episode 24: Wild college women

Al Yamamah College, a Saudi Arabian institution of advanced learning, hosted a British University Fair last Sunday. At this fair, representatives of 25 British universities could interact with potential students and tell them all about their programs, and the students could ask questions.

The organizers of the fair might have had good educations, but they didn't think about the moral implications of such a sinful gathering:

* Some of the British representatives were - women!
* Some of the potential Saudi students were - women!

Our heroes at the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice wasted no time to stop this outrage. They barged into the fair, posing as government representatives, and immediately demanded that any Saudi women attendees leave the fair immediately.

They then went to the British whores, I mean, university representatives, and told them to stop all their interactions with the remaining male students.

The British fair organizers caved to the clear moral imperatives that the Muttawa politely demanded of them and told their women to leave the fair.

Thanks to our heroes, Saudi women cannot go abroad to study, where they would inevitably become corrupted by the evil infidels, and virtuous Saudi men cannot be seduced by the loose British women who dare enter Saudi Arabia under the pretense of marketing their universities, those dens of iniquity.

And Saudi Arabia is safe and moral again!

Previous episodes can be seen here.

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Saudi Vice, episode 28: Don't brag about sex

Mazen Abdul Jawad is a hip, modern kind of Arab guy. He is macho and proud of it. So proud, that we went on Lebanese TV to brag about his sexual conquests. As Arab News reports:

Mazen Abdul Jawad appeared on the program last week in a red button-down shirt and open collar bragging in graphic detail about his sexual conquests.

In the segment, Abdul Jawad talks about having slept with a neighbor when he was only 14 and how this got him interested in sex. After discussing sex and foreplay in graphic detail and providing a recipe for an aphrodisiac, Abdul Jawad is seen getting into his vehicle at night on a Jeddah street.

“It all starts with turning my Bluetooth on while cruising around in my car,” he tells the camera.

Our heroes, the Saudi Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, sprang into action. How dare a Saudi man go on TV and brag about the women he scored with?

Ahmad Qasim Al-Ghamdi, director of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice for Makkah, told Arab News that speaking so openly about vice is a punishable offense and that everyone involved with the broadcast is culpable.

“It is wrong to host people on television to speak publicly about vice and issues against our religion,” he said. “The program presents anomalies and deviancy in society that are unacceptable and immoral and should be punished according to Shariah.”

For Abdul Jawad to be punished on the basis of admitting to pre-marital sex he would have to confess in a court-approved manner.

However, speaking publicly about vice is also a punishable offense. Both offenses are subject to lashing and/or jail time at the discretion of the court.

The world is a little safer now, thanks to our heroes at the Muttawa!

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Saudi Vice, episode 12: Flying sorcerors

It was a busy day for our heroes at the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice.

First, they managed to chase a young couple into the path of an oncoming truck.

But there was another, more nefarious evil happening, unbelievably, in the holy Kingdom itself:

Sorcery.

Two Yemenis and a Sudanese man were practicing the black arts in Dhamad, Jizan. They had books and formulas showing how to cast spells, ready to do the most horrible things to innocent Muslims who stumble across their paths.

Luckily, our heroes at the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice found out about these criminals and arrested them.

As the Saudi Gazette reports:

The three are charged with “malicious activities” to break up marriages and inflict harm on people for money. They reportedly slaughtered black sheep as part of their sorcery rituals.

And once the Muttawa were done with them, the three confessed to these heinous crimes.

The newspaper explains the crime of practicing "malicious magic":

As per Shariah law, Saudi Arabia prohibits sorcery. “Malicious magic” is perceived to have the power to influence the mind, body or possessions and cause disease, sickness in animals, bad luck, sudden death, impotence and other such misfortunes.

Truly, how fortunate the Saudi people are that they have people who put their own manhood at risk in order to save the rest of the Saudi males from magical impotence.

Another stellar day for our heroes, and now Saudi men can sleep better at night knowing that they are safe from black magic.

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Saudi Vice, episode 20: Wear any color as long as it is black

The Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice has been under pressure lately. Saudi newspapers have been criticizing it, their members have been associated with murdering and fatal high speed chases, and in general the religious police have felt that their grip on power has been slipping, and with it the morals of the entire great country of Saudi Arabia.

To counteract this, they have been stepping up their activities against the most immoral and depraved of Saudi society - the shopkeepers who sell adorned abayas:

In an attempt to reassert their power, Saudi Arabia’s religious police have ordered shopkeepers in downtown Riyadh to get rid of all adorned abayas, the black robes worn by women in the kingdom, as shopping picks up ahead of the Eid religious holidays next week.

Salesmen in Al-Maagaliah market, just across the block from the headquarters of the religious police, or mutawa’a, this week were turning away frustrated shoppers who wanted abayas with a hint of colour or decoration, telling them that shopowners could face fines or prison.

In recent years, the signature flowing robe that covers Saudi women from head to toe started to show some form with trimmed sleeves, beads or colour, a sign of relaxation of the strict social norms in the conservative kingdom.

Though the changes were subtle, abayas provoked a tug of war between the liberal voices lobbying to give women more choice and conservative religious institutions determined to impose their austere ways through the religious police.

Liberal commentators say the religious police who roam shopping malls and public places are using the crackdown to demonstrate their continued authority after recent moves that have curbed their arbitrary powers.

After allegations of gross violations of human rights led to media uproar, the mutawa’a have been banned from chasing suspects without an escort from the regular police. They have also been forced to carry government-issued identification cards.

Women’s rights activists, however, are concerned that the crackdown on the abaya marks a setback after early symbolic gains achieved since King Abdullah came to power in 2005.

“They [the mutawa’a] want women to be faceless, nameless and shrouded in blackness,’’ said Samar Falan, a women’s rights activist and writer based in the city of Jeddah.

“We kept quiet when we should have confronted the radicals. I believe Muslim women should dress modestly and cover their hair, but they do not have to look gruesome.”

“They should focus on fighting vices, not women,’’ says Buthaina Nassr, another activist. “I do not understand why they force us to wear black in such a hot country while men can wear white.”

In other Sharia news, Saudi Arabia announced that terrorism suspects will be tried in Sharia courts.

Which means that if the terrorists memorize enough of the Quran, they should be able to get out of jail earlier.

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Saudi Vice, episode 22: A Hard Day's Night

A vigilant citizen of Saudi Arabia, who moonlights as an informant for the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, suspected something was amiss at his local pharmacy. Something was wrong.

Something was haraam.

The patriotic citizen suspected that the pharmacy was selling "unlicensed" anti-impotence drugs.

To make things even worse, these sales were occurring in the Holy City of Mecca (Makkah).

If these had been any other kinds of unlicensed drugs, no doubt the citizen would have reported it to the local police. But since these drugs are associated with behavior that could be considered immoral (if you have a particularly dirty mind,) he instead called the Religious Police.

Our heroes of the Muttawa wasted no time in rising to the challenge.

They arranged a "sting" operation that was sure to be painful for the violator.

A member of the religious police, no doubt whistling while trying to act nonchalant, asked the pharmacist is he had any medicines that could help his embarrassing erectile dysfunction problem.

The pharmacist insisted he had no such drugs.

But our undercover hero returned, whining about his inability to perform and begging for any help the druggist could provide to prevent this man's eternal shame and dishonor. When couched in such terms, the pharmacist had no choice but to try to accommodate the request, so he sent a trusted aide to fetch the magic pills from a warehouse.

Upon the assistant's return, the trap was sprung. A team of highly-trained religious police swooped down and arrested the pharmacist and his assistant. They also raided the warehouse and confiscated large quantities of similar contraband, so they can destroy it (or, perhaps, use them for purely scientific experiments - double blind studies and the like.)

Thanks to the Muttawa, the holy streets of Mecca are once again safe from horny Saudis.

All Saudi Vice episodes can be seen here. With this 22nd episode, we now have an entire season of SV!

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Saudi Vice, episode 34: Too much of a good thing

From Saudi Gazette:

A Hai’a security inspector has been fined SR3,000, six weeks in prison and 120 lashes for marrying more than four women and breaking residency laws.

The Hai’a is the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice.

He married three Saudi women, who are on his identity card, two non-Saudi women who don’t have Iqamas [Saudi residency cards - EoZ] and a non-Saudi who has an Iqama, reported Al-Madina Arabic daily on Monday.

It is against Islamic law for a Muslim man to have more than four wives at one time.

The Control and Investigation Board (CIB) accused the Hai’a employee of unethical behavior and abusing his position. The Administrative Court at the Jizan Board of Grievances in Uhud Al-Masariha gave him 120 lashes for marrying more than four wives.

The Administrative Committee at Jizan Passport Administration fined the Hai’a employee SR3,000 and sentenced him to six weeks in prison for covering up for two women who didn’t have Iqamas.

Hasn't he been punished enough?

The case of the employee was discovered three years ago. He was arrested by the police and the Hai’a at a furnished apartment.

He was also ordered to memorize certain chapters of the Holy Qur’an and study their interpretation. He was also banned from traveling abroad for five years, delivering a speech in the mosque and leading prayers in the mosque.

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Saudi religious police ban red items ahead of Valentine's Day

From AP:

The Saudi religious police are cracking down on stores selling items that are red or in any other way allude to banned celebrations of Valentine's Day.

A Saudi official says policemen are inspecting shops for red roses, heart-shaped products or gifts wrapped in red, and ordering storeowners to get rid of them.

Such items are legal at other times of the year, but as February 14 nears they become contraband.

Saudi Arabia bans celebration of Western holidays such as Valentine's Day, named after a Christian saint said to have been martyred by the Romans in the 3rd Century.

Most shops in Riyadh's upscale neighborhoods have removed all red items from their shelves.

Red wrapping paper is also forbidden.

The many Filipino workers in Saudi Arabia were warned not to do anything valentine-y in public on February 14th, including blowing kisses.

AP is watering down the reasons that the Saudis are against Valentine's Day. It is not strictly because it is a Christian holiday, but because (as I mentioned in a Saudi Vice episode two years ago)

As Muslims we shouldn't celebrate a non-Muslim celebration especially this one that encourages immoral relations between unmarried men and women.

Here's the perfect gift for Saudi Valentine's Day!

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Saudi Vice, episode 17: Tat's all, folks

A Filipino worker in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia was very happy with his life. He was so happy that he even got a tattoo during one of his visits home that said "Lady Hunter ... KSA."

He came back to the Kingdom and went about his business. But a Saudi Electricity Company worker noticed his tattoo and was aghast.

He followed the man home to find out his address, and then conscientiously called our heroes, the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice, telling them that clearly this man was aiming to have an illegal illicit affair with innocent Muslim Saudi women.

Our heroes at the Muttawa didn't waste any time investigating these allegations. They searched the man's home, and found even more reasons to punish the Filipino - he had pictures of Filipino women workers in his home!

Will the horrors never cease?

The Muttawa had seen enough. The man was deported away from the Kingdom and its holy places, and Saudi Arabia is a little bit safer from such deviants who dare have tattoos and pictures of women.

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Saudi Vice, episode 16: The blasphemous barbers

A number of weeks ago a Saudi man went to a barber shop and heard something that made his skin crawl.

At least, he claims that he did. It is possible that he was in a bad mood, or that he got into an argument with the barber, or that he just didn't like his haircut.

At any rate, he knew that he had legal recourse. He immediately contacted our heroes at the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, and told them that his Turkish barber had blasphemed Mohammed (PBUH.)

The Muttawa sprang into action. They immediately went to the barber shop and arrested the suspect, named Ersin Taze.

By an amazing coincidence, some 15 months ago another Turkish barber, Sabri Bogday, was arrested in Saudi Arabia by our same heroes for exactly the same offense.

In this case, the Turkish Embassy intervened and asked the Saudi justice system to expedite the trial, and the case against Mr. Taze was dismissed for lack of evidence.

Mr. Bogday, on the other hand, remains in jail, convicted and sentenced to death, as his appeals have not all been filed yet. Bogday got into an argument with his neighbor, an Egyptian tailor, and he was arrested after the tailor told the police that he had sworn at God. While Bogday has been in prison for over a year, the Egyptian who made the allegation has disappeared.

Mr. Taze is using his newfound freedom to get out of Saudi Arabia.

Our heroes at the Muttawa have therefore managed to get one blasphemous creature off the streets and another one out of the Kingdom.

A job well done, boys!

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Saudi Vice, episode 6 (double episode) - Protecting Saudi Women

Two Saudi women were walking down the street in Alkhobar. Shockingly, they dared to do this act while wearing (Allah forbid) - makeup.

Luckily, our heroes from the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice were on the scene to be able to kindly explain to them the error of their ways.

But these women, who had already proven that they didn't understand their proper role in the world, turned violent. They called the helpful Muttawa "terrorists," and one sprayed them with pepper spray while the other taped the incident on her cell phone.

As a Muttawa spokesperson, um, spokesman explained it: "Two members of the commission were attacked, cursed and sworn at by two women, who were blatantly dolled up."

The Commission sprang into action, and together with Saudi's Best security personnel they were able to subdue the women, who saw the error of their ways and apologized for their improper behavior.

Meanwhile, in Jeddah, many restaurants set up outdoor tables for their customers to eat their Iftar meals during the hot Ramadan nights. The Commission noticed that not only were men sitting at these tables, but their wives and daughters were as well!

Not only that, but some of the women also were "dolled up," wearing the Shaytan's (Satan's) makeup!

The Muttawa didn't hesitate. They immediately banned families from eating together to avoid the horrible crime of women eating in public with their husbands. Wives and daughters were forced to stand next to tables where the head of the household sat in all his splendor.

While the restaurant owners expressed some concern over losing business, they are nothing but infidels who do not realize the importance of maintaining high standards of modesty and decorum. How else can you properly defend women from male advances without forcing them to stay completely away from men?

Once again, the Kingdom is safer because of the courageous actions of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice.

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Saudi Vice, episode 5: What's ummah, Doc?

Dr. Mamdooh Fahmy was a surgeon at the Albyaan Menfhoh Medical Center in Riyadh. His colleagues noticed that he didn't seem to practice Islam and they started trying to convince him to become Muslim and practice a religion that despises coercion.

After some time of enduring their repeated invitations to become Muslim, Fahmy finally told them that he was a Coptic Christian, and he would not be changing his beliefs any time soon.

Soon thereafter, Dr. Fahmy received a friendly visit from our heroes, the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice. They insulted him in front of patients and staff, confiscated his car keys, cell phone and wallet, handcuffed him and shackled his feet, and dragged him to a car where they nicely drove him to his house. They then raided his house and confiscated all his written materials, took him to the police station and placed him in solitary confinement.

After five days of this Muslim hospitality, they started interrogating him and referring to him as an 'infidel'.

His crime: Fahmy was accused of missionary activity. It seems that not allowing oneself to be pressured into becoming a Muslim is equivalent to asking people to become Christian, in Saudi Muslim thought.

When the Muttawa finally released him and he tried to get back to his home in Egypt, the Saudi government refused to give him a visa.

Finally, after months calls and letters, Saudi Arabia allowed him to go to Egypt this week.

Once again, the Commission has shown its hatred for vice and its promotion of virtue. Saudis can sleep soundly at night knowing that such zealous defenders of their lifestyle are on constant watch, ready to pounce at even the slightest whiff of infidelism.

Last episode here.

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Saudi Vice, episode 4: The car washer.

In the holy city of Medina, a Bangladeshi man decided to wash his car.

Luckily, our heroes at the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice noticed him and arrested him.

As you may have surmised by now, he was washing the car during prayer times.

Unfortunately, after his arrest there was a horrible accident, he "fainted" and died while in custody of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice.

The head of the Muttawa said that three Commission officers were questioned and found completely without guilt in the man's death.

Once again, our heroic Vice Squad has been proven to be an effective force in stopping immorality and vice, and promoting virtue, all throughout the Kingdom!

The last episode can be found here.

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This week's episode of Saudi Vice

In this week's episode of Saudi Vice....

Ibrahim Mohammed Lawal is a Nigerian student living in Saudi Arabia. He recently converted to Islam and he was enthusiastic about his new religion. He would spend time looking for ways to share his beliefs with others and to do good deeds.

He had a sickly 63-year old neighbor who needed help. Ibrahim tirelessly brought her to hospital after hospital, only to see her being rejected by all of them for treatment. He finally appealed to Sheikh Fawaz, director of Badiya Islamic Center, who took pity on the woman and admitted her.

This horrific behavior could not be condoned, and it was a stain on all believing Muslims and Saudis.

Thank Allah, the heroic Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice swooped in and arrested him, as he visited the apartment of the sick woman and checked up on her status with three other relatives who live there. They placed him and the three other women in jail, thus ensuring that such a horrendous crime would be publicized and never repeated.

It causes one to shudder to contemplate the very idea of a young man, actually secluded alone multiple times with a sick 63-year old woman!

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Saudi Vice, episode 28: Helping kids can be a crime

In the magic kingdom of Saudi Arabia, one can never be too careful in avoiding sin. Even acts that might look like they are laudatory may in fact just be fronts for perverted actions, and it is better to stay on the safe side rather than risk doing something awful...like Khilwa.

Khilwa, of course, is the illegal seclusion of a man and a woman, and something that our heroes, the Saudi Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, is highly attuned to. Even the faintest odor of khilwa can cause the religious police to swoop down and take charge - in the name of protecting the innocent girl, of course.

From the Saudi Gazette:

The former neighbor of two homeless girls and their brother who he took into his home while attempting to find them suitable care through official channels has described his dismay at facing a month in prison after the Commission for Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice (Hai’a) charged him with khilwa, or illegal seclusion with non-related members of the opposite sex.

“It is ironic that I now face a month in prison after the Hai’a arrested me for being in illicit seclusion with the girls,” said the former neighbor of the 13 and 14-year-old girls and their nine-year-old brother. “The case is still being looked into by a court in Makkah.”

The children had been living on the street after being abandoned by the uncle in whose custody they had been placed following their father’s imprisonment and their mother’s remarriage, until their former neighbor saw their plight and took them into his home with his own family while the Ministry of Social Affairs resolved the issue.

He has now spent nearly a year trying to resolve the situation through the Ministry of Social Affairs, the Committee for the Care of Prisoners, and Makkah’s Social Protection Home.

An official from Makkah Social Affairs, which has taken up the case, said the children had been subjected to violence by their uncle, and that an application for urgent shelter had been submitted to the Ministry of Social Affairs.

Indeed, from the Commission's perspective, it is far safer for two teenage girls to live on the street than to be taken into the house of a caring neighbor. Because that neighbor could be a pervert.

You might ask, who has such a twisted mind as to even consider that the girls could be molested by their neighbor? The answer, again, lies with our heroes, who only have the best interests of the girls at heart. If they can imagine it with their clean Koranic minds, it must be true.

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Saudi Vice, episode 19: Sacrilegious sister

The lives of the prestigious members of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice are not easy. All day they have to be on the alert, patrolling the streets of Saudi Arabia with an eagle eyes, tuned in the slightest hint of impropriety among the thankful Saudi populace.

But sometimes, the whiff of vice hits too close to home, and the results can be tragic.

In this case, one of our heroes, an upstanding member of the Muttawa, found out a terrible secret that his sister had been keeping from him:

She had converted to Christianity.

The woman, named Fatma Al-Matairi, confided in her brother about her terrible secret, secure in the knowledge that he would be understanding and supportive.

Little did the 26-year old know that her brother, as a member of the Commission, has a much higher moral code than just brotherhood and support. Converting to Christianity is blasphemy, and is punishable by death.

So he killed her.

Now, Saudi Arabia has one less blasphemer, and our hero can sleep well knowing he did the right thing.

UPDATE: It appears that it was her father that was a member of the Muttawa, and he cut out her tongue before burning her to death.

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This week's episode of Saudi Vice

In this week's episode of Saudi Vice...

Muslims like to point out that in Mecca, it doesn't matter what race you belong to or what country you are from; there is a beautiful feeling of unity with all other Muslims worldwide for the pilgrims who travel there from near and far. As Ummah.net describes it:

Although Makkah is always filled with visitors, pilgrims wear special clothes: simple garments which strip away distinctions of class and culture, so that all stand equal before God.

Peace is the dominant theme. Peace with Allah, with one's soul, with one another, with all living creatures. To disturb the peace of anyone or any creature in any shape or form is strictly prohibited.

Muslims from all walks of life, from every corner of the globe assemble in in response to the call of Allah. There is no royalty, but there is loyalty of all to Allah, the Creator....It is also to remember the great assembly of the Day of Judgement when people will stand equal before Allah.

A group of eight pilgrims from the US and Britain of Iraqi descent visited Mecca last week with the intention of participating in this holy rite where all are equal before Allah.

But they were Shi'ite.

When they tried to perform a Shi'a - flavored version of the holy ritual while circling the holy Kaaba stone, they were arrested by our heroes, the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice.

As was described by an infidel newspaper:

“While in police custody we were handcuffed and savagely beaten with chairs, bats, sticks, shoes and police radio communication devices,” 24-year-old pilgrim Amir Taki said.

He said they were refused food, water, medicine and access to toilets. One was told they would be “killed and thrown to the dogs”.

The group, aged between 16 and 26, said they were not allowed to contact their embassies or relatives.

However, using a cell phone hidden by one of the pilgrims, they were able to contact family members and were released after intervention from the embassies.

The Shi'ite infidels may have won this round, but the Commission (known as the Muttawa) will be ever vigilant to make sure that the sanctity and holiness of Mecca is unsullied by the infidels again.

Last week's episode is here.

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Saudi Vice, episode 21: Marriage is no defense

Our heroes at the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice know well how devious sinners can be. Some unmarried couples who may want to spend time together alone - which is the grievous sin of khulwa - will pretend to be married in order to keep the virtuous vice police off their backs.

So it is simple Muttawa logic that any man and woman who are alone must be unmarried!

This is why the Commission dispatched one of their ubiquitous white SUVs to Al-Jurf, west of Medina, to chase a couple in a car who were acting suspiciously - by being alone with each other at 1 AM.

As the Arab News reports:

“As we were driving home, my husband and I realized we were being followed by three men in a car,” said the woman, who did not want her name published. “They were coming from both sides of the car and (at one point in the chase) were also in front of our car. I was afraid of having an accident. The whole scene looked just like something in a movie.”

She also said that because no police officer was accompanying the three members of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, her husband was afraid to stop. Eventually, the commission vehicle got in front of the car they were pursuing and forced the couple to stop, according to the woman.

Abdullah Al-Zahrani, the head of the Madinah branch of the commission, confirmed to Arab News yesterday that the commission was tailing the couple, but he maintains that the three commission members did not abuse the suspects. He also claims that the two are not married.

“The woman is neither his wife nor his cousin,” said Al-Zahrani.

According to the woman, she and her husband had been visiting her husband’s family and decided to return home late at night.

After the two were pulled over, said the woman, “one of them pulled my arm and was shouting at me, telling me to get into their car. I was shocked. How could a man from the commission touch a woman when he is not her mahram (a woman’s legal male escort or guardian)? He ordered me to get into the commission car and said they would keep everything secret in order to protect my reputation.”

The commission considers unrelated men and women in cars to be committing the moral crime of khulwa.

The woman said that her husband objected to her treatment, and asked the men to take him in custody instead. At that point, the woman said an older man who happened to be passing by intervened and protested against the commission members touching a woman, “but the commission member told him that I had forced him to do so.”

The woman says that two of the commission members got into her husband’s car with her and accused her of being an immoral woman for being out late at night with an unrelated man. The members of the commission also said that the woman had committed a crime and that she therefore deserved to be punished.

“This is the first time I have seen anything like this,” she said. “The members refused to come to the police during the investigation and said that I had insulted them. I did no such thing; I simply told them over and over: ‘I swear to God that I am this man’s wife.’”

The woman said that after hearing what had happened, her brothers went to the commission branch in Al-Jurf, furious and telling the commission members to stay away from their sister.

She said a commission member then hit one of her brothers and broke his nose.

“My brother became unconscious and an ambulance came and took him to the hospital,” she said.

Stupid unmarried woman! Doesn't she realize that the Commission is allowed to break Islamic law in order to uphold Islamic law?

It would be outrageous to think that Muttawa members go into that profession because they are a bunch of perverts who want to project their own desires and actions on others. Injuring, lying, khulwa, touching women - all are perfectly allowed for Commission members in their zeal to stop others from khulwa and touching women.

Our heroes have prevented another moral crime, and Saudi Arabia is a better place today because of their love of Sharia.

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Saudi Vice, episode 15: The Evil Western Press

Our heroes at the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice have been getting a lot of bad press recently, and it is time to put a stop to it:

Western media is deliberately trying to malign the commission for unknown reasons, said the national head of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice in a wide ranging interview with Arab News.

“Or else, why should a respectable institution be denigrated because a few of its officials committed some judgmental errors?” said Ibrahim Al-Ghaith, the commission president.
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The commission chief also wondered why some sections of the media, particularly in the West, are hostile to the commission, which only aims to persuade people to adhere to their religion and prevent them from morally lapsing.

“Some people are quick to criticize the commission by betraying their ignorance about this noble institution. They are oblivious to the commission’s achievements. They purposefully highlight a few individual mistakes to portray the commission as an evil entity,” Al-Ghaith said.

He added that he disapproves of the term “religious police,” which is commonly used by the Western press to describe the commission. “The official name of the organization is the General Presidency of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice,” Al-Ghaith said.

“The commission is keen to see that its officials are pious, knowledgeable, wise, moderate and gentle in all situations and, above all, never rude or violent,” he said.

“The commission has been offering special training to its field workers at all of its branch offices,” he said, adding that workers are asked to be gentle and told to improve their communication skills.

He also said that psychologists, sociologists, religious scholars, legal experts, educationists, professors and high-ranking officials deliver the training. “More than 80 percent of the commission’s field workers have attended various training programs."

We mentioned these training sessions in Episode 10, The Sting.

“Only five percent of cases we’ve dealt with were passed on to the police or the courts. The commission members are fully aware that publicity would only worsen the situation and leave ineffaceable social or psychological injuries to the youths involved. The members pass the suspects to legal authorities if only they are repeating the violation or do not listen to advice,” he added.

There are situations, which we cannot condone, he added. For example, if a man and woman are caught in a situation that is clearly spelled out in the Holy Qur’an or Sunnah to be wrong, then the commission has no choice but to hand those involved to the police, he said.

Do you see what a raw deal the Commission gets in the media?

Looking back at previous episodes, one can see that every single one was just a simple misunderstanding.

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