Abbas stuns Arab and Jewish audiences

(Another Purim post.)

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PLO leader Mahmoud Abbas stunned the Fatah Revolutionary Council on Wednesday, telling the group that he is against armed resistance and has no intention to enforce the "right of return." He also said that he is willing to share access to Jerusalem's holy sites with the Jews and that he is against any sort of boycott of Israel. Furthermore, he hinted that he might be able to accept a compromise formula on accepting Israel as a Jewish state.

As his audience gaped at him in horror, the leader strode briskly out of the room saying that he had another important meeting to attend.

But when he arrived in the Ramallah hotel where Israeli liberals eagerly gathered to hear his words, Abbas struck a more hostile tone. He shouted that "Palestinian martyrs" were the heroes of his people and that Jerusalem has always been an Islamic city since the time of the Muslim King Solomon. He said that the Mufti of Jerusalem in the 1920s and 1930s was a shining example for all Palestinian Arabs and that the Holocaust that he helped engineer was exaggerated.

Abbas then went on to describe his meeting a few years back with Samir Kuntar, the child killer who now lives in Lebanon, and how warm a man he is.  He then said that he won't rest until every Palestinian Arab goes back to their homes in Israel and that he would never, under any circumstances, accept Israel as a Jewish state. Abu Mazen, as he is known to Palestinians, then went on to say that Jews have no rights to live anywhere in Palestine except as second-class citizens under benevolent Muslim rule.

The audience became more uncomfortable as Mahmoud Abbas started to speak about his admiration of famous terrorist Dalal Mughrabi and how the Jewish Temples were a myth. However, Gideon Levy, covering the event for Haaretz, couldn't stop himself from cheering throughout the speech, often shouting "You GO, Mahmoud!"

Twenty minutes into his speech, the 79-year old Abbas looked up from his prepared text and paused. He slowly took off his glasses, cleaned them, put them back on, peered around the room and turned slightly pale. The PLO leader then quietly folded up the paper he was reading from, retrieved a different sheet of paper from another pocket, and then read the words that he had spoken earlier in the day at the Fatah Revolutionary Council meeting.

When Abbas was done talking about his love for peace and compromise, the Israeli liberals broke out in wild applause, giving him a standing ovation for his wisdom and moderation.

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Introducing the Open Muslim Students Association

Since Purim is coming up....

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As a result of the Open Hillel initiative, where the Jewish student groups throughout North America will invite anti-Israel speakers to offer talks in the name of open communication, the Muslim Students Association of North America has been inspired to start its own Open MSA group.

To kick off the new Open MSA, the Princeton Muslim Students Association will hold a special seminar to be taught by David Wilder, right-wing settler and advocate of Israeli rule over all the territories.

"We are quite excited to be on the cutting edge of Muslim openness," said Sarah Qari, president of Princeton MSA. "We respect all viewpoints and it is only natural that we should be able to listen to what the evil usurper settler Wilder has to say, while keeping an open mind," she added.

"Open MSA does not adhere to any particular political point of view, and all viewpoints are welcome - even those of genocidal Jews!" Qari stated

Other similar programs are being planned throughout the US and Canada.

The Yale Muslim Students Association will host a special performance of the Batsheva Dance Company. "There is no reason for us not to enjoy the beauty of the arts that are being performed by the hated Zionist enemy," says Didem Kaya, president of the Yale MSA board, as he prepared the stun grenades that will be tossed on stage as a sign of appreciation.

The University of Texas MSA has joined the Open MSA bandwagon as well, inviting Rabbi Yehuda Glick - who advocates Jewish access to the Temple Mount - to speak. "His opinions about his desire to destroy the Al Aqsa Mosque and replace it with a so-called Third Temple are very important to us. And Glick doesn't have to worry about a thing - we will provide the security ourselves!" said president Usama Khan.

Omar Zaki, chairman of the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), said that he welcomed the Open MSA initiative, saying it was a natural extension of Islam's openness to others' ideas.  "Islam is quite accepting of others.  To be honest, I was reluctant to join the 'open' movement, but then I read the words of Rashid Khalidi, where he said there should be no political litmus test on speakers and artists. Inshallah, we will invite Robert Spencer to keynote our next annual conference," he declared.

Open Hillel spokesperson Naomi Dann from Vasser was still cautious about the new Open MSA initiative. "I don't know about this. The people they are inviting are a bit outside the mainstream, if you know what I mean," she said. "I mean, David Wilder? Yehuda Glick? As open-minded Jews, we would never consider listening to what they have to say!" she declared.

"I'll be happy to give Open MSA a list of acceptable, righteous Jews for them to invite, if they want."

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