Continuing my series of recaptioning old cartoons...
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 03, 2021
Wednesday, February 03, 2021
Elder of Ziyon
cartoon of the day, humor
Tuesday, February 02, 2021
- Tuesday, February 02, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Monday, February 01, 2021
- Monday, February 01, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Sunday, January 31, 2021
- Sunday, January 31, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Friday, January 29, 2021
- Friday, January 29, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Thursday, January 28, 2021
- Thursday, January 28, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
- Thursday, January 28, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- humor, Preoccupied
Beth El, January 28 - A group of left-wing American lobbyists voiced dismay today following a divine commitment to an Israelite patriarch to grant the Holy Land to his descendants, objecting that the Almighty made that promise without consulting them.
J-Street Director Jeremy Ben-Ami convened a press conference Thursday to protest his organization's exclusion from the event, which took place overnight as Jacob fled to the land of Haran, northeast of the Holy Land, to seek both refuge from a vengeful older brother and to find a wife from among his mother's clan. Ben-Ami insisted that American Jewry in general, but especially his organization, must have a say in what happens from "the River of Egypt to the River Euphrates."
"It's not just a slap in the face to the largest Diaspora community," charged Ben-Ami, "but an irresponsible move. We would have warned God that making such a dangerous promise is a one-sided measure that establishes facts on the ground prejudicing the outcome of Israeli-Palestinian negotiations, and weakens Palestinian moderates by undermining the assumption that non-violence and negotiations will achieve anything. It plays into the hands of the extremists on both sides. But the Lord chose not to seek our input, and that is regrettable."
Ben-Ami expressed hope that despite the divine misstep, the Biden administration and international organizations will work to put things right. "We'll always have the UN to support a more balanced - which is to say, anti-Zionist - approach," he acknowledged. "We, of course, have to dress up our uncanny agreement with anti-Zionist positions as 'pro-Israel, pro-peace,' but they don't have to resort to such mental and rhetorical gymnastics. Right now we're conducting consultations on the feasibility of bringing a case against God to the International Criminal Court for violating I'm not sure what yet. Probably something about the Geneva Conventions or that ever-shifting phenomenon called 'International Law.' We'll see."
Ben-Ami dismissed the notion that the vast majority of American Jews, and the mainstream organizations that represent them, endorse the divine promise. "If they knew better, as we do, they would think otherwise," he insisted. "We and our allies represent the true face of American Jewry; ignore all those other organizations representing only 95%. We represent right-thinking American Jews, which is to say, American Jews who think as we do, and agree with rabid antisemites on a striking number of issues."
He also suggested J-Street will not oppose efforts to boycott God over the move.
Tuesday, January 26, 2021
- Tuesday, January 26, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Monday, January 25, 2021
- Monday, January 25, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Thursday, January 21, 2021
- Thursday, January 21, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- humor, Preoccupied
I Think The Other Hamas Fighters Trapped In This Collapsed Tunnel Are Closer Than 2 Meters
by Hussein Halabi, Hamas commando
Somewhere underground near the fence between the Gaza Strip and southern Israel, January 21 - Oh God. I think both of my legs are broken. And several ribs. And I can't feel my left arm. There's so little air in here, and it's dark. We were on our way across the border to wreak havoc among the Zionists, but then we heard a rumble and everything came tumbling down. And I think some of my comrades are half-crushed right near me in a non-socially-distanced manner!
This can't be good. No one can hear me, and it hurts to yell - I think that's my broken ribs. I don't hear anyone else, but maybe that's just my ears still malfunctioning after the loud crunch... I don't know. I'm really concerned I could get COVID my being so close to someone carrying the virus by spending all this time cooped up together with them in a confined space. If I don't suffocate or dehydrate and I end up surviving this, I could be in big trouble.
Oh, God, every part of me hurts. There's blood on my head from somewhere, probably a gash. My face feels like it's been battered in a boxing ring. I probably have dozens of cuts that will get infected from all the dirt getting in, but what concerns me most is possibly being near my buddies, one of whom might be a coronavirus vector. It can't be good to be stuck down here with that risk. My mask got torn off in the tunnel collapse and there's no way I can even dig to find it, let alone hope it's in any shape to be used; my guess is the same thing happened to the other seven guys, assuming any of them are still alive, meaning they could be breathing a viral load out into this enclosed area and I've got no choice but to inhale.
I've been so careful! I was always so considerate of the people around me. When we launched incendiary balloons at the Jews I always made sure to social distance. When we launched rockets at their school and hospitals I made sure my mask was always on. Same as when we came down this passage, both during practice runs and this, the real thing. And now, just my luck, I'm going to breathe in the pathogen and contract the disease. After all that preventive behavior. I call B.S.
Wait, is that light someone coming to rescue us? It seems to be drawing me closer... Whoever that is, keep your distance, I don't want to infect you...
- Thursday, January 21, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Wednesday, January 20, 2021
- Wednesday, January 20, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Tuesday, January 19, 2021
- Tuesday, January 19, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Monday, January 18, 2021
- Monday, January 18, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Continuing my series of recaptioning cartoons...
This is actually not far off from what a UN official said in 2014:
Over the weekend, a custom-tailored-for-Facebook story started making the rounds, claiming that Navi Pillay, the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights, was blasting Israel for refusing to share the Iron Dome missile defense system with Hamas. It was just the kind of hilariously delicious absurdity that could be expected of the same organization that will soon welcome Chad—where slavery is still a rollicking tradition—into its Security Council, but the ever zealous guardians of Israel’s minor infractions and little else soon declared that Pillay was being slandered: she never called on Israel to share its defensive bounties, but rather criticized the United States for helping to fund the advanced system and noted that “no such protection has been provided to Gazans against the shelling.”
Friday, January 15, 2021
- Friday, January 15, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Continuing my series of recaptioning cartoons....
Thursday, January 14, 2021
- Thursday, January 14, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- humor, Preoccupied
Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.
Check out their Facebook page.
Jerusalem, January 14 - Proprietors of a neighborhood establishment specializing in pastries, breads, and various confections has to date not voiced opinions on behalf of the enterprise regarding the ongoing political turmoil in the US, thus defying a recent trend that has seen business after business jump onto the political stability concern bandwagon.
Political observers noted with surprise today that the Mahane Yehuda franchise of the English Cake chain has placed no signs or placards in its windows denouncing or expressing worry over the developments in Washington over the last week, nor has its social media presence devoted even a single tweet or Facebook post to the violence in and around the US capitol building, the president's apparent encouragement of that violence, mutual right-left recriminations over treatment of the violence versus the various social justice confrontations over the last several years, the mass purging of conservative voices from said social media, or other burning issues of tremendous political or societal import.
"It's just business as usual," noted a shocked Haaretz journalist. "The folks running this place don't seem to feel the visceral, dare I say universal, or at least it should be universal, drive to filter everything through political biases and interpret every development in a way that confirms those biases. I confess I don't know how they do it without fear of being totally crushed on Twitter, or at least left behind when everyone *I* know can tell what political basket they should put their eggs in."
Others noted that the establishment's previous political behavior aligns with its current silence on Trump. "This isn't anything new for this branch of English Cake," observed Israel Democracy Institute fellow Dunning Kruger. "They remained mum during the first Trump impeachment brouhaha as well. And I can find in their social media history not a single mention of Black Lives Matter, the Proud Boys, the wall with Mexico, the Muslim ban, or any other pivotal issue of our time. Not even the Iran nuclear deal. One wonders how a business can even function if it focuses only on production, quality control, marketing, management, and accounting, and totally ignores its relationship with the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone in Seattle."
Perusal of the franchise's Instagram account bore out that claim; it also revealed a troubling lack of diversity among the few staff members whose photos feature there, none of whom appear to be transqueer Muslim immigrant women of color.
Tuesday, January 12, 2021
- Tuesday, January 12, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Continuing my series of recaptioning cartoons....
Friday, January 08, 2021
- Friday, January 08, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Continuing my series of re-captioned cartoons....
Thursday, January 07, 2021
- Thursday, January 07, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- cartoon of the day, humor
Continuing my series of recaptioning cartoons...
We have lots of ideas, but we need more resources to be even more effective. Please donate today to help get the message out and to help defend Israel.
- Thursday, January 07, 2021
- Elder of Ziyon
- humor, Preoccupied
Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.
Check out their Facebook page.
Geneva, January 7 - Human rights groups and international organizations drew dark parallels today between Israel's military and Germany under Adolph Hitler, noting that the soldiers of both states carried guns, wore protective gear, operated armored vehicles, and engaged in logistics.
Six human rights organizations, among them Amnesty International, B'tselem, and Human Rights Watch, submitted a report today to the United Nations Human Rights Council, urging action against Israel, specifically the Israel Defense Force, for engaging in activities that the Nazi military also did, such as march to music and prepare field rations.
"We regret to inform the Council that once again, the Israeli military engages in constant emulation of the vilest armed force in history, known for its atrocities and perpetration of war crimes and crimes against humanity," the report read. "Among the practices that the IDF and the Wehrmacht - including the notorious Waffen SS divisions - share are drafting, training, operating an air force, maintaining naval facilities, and wearing uniforms."
"It's actually kind of frustrating to have to point these things out again and again," lamented Dean Issacharoff of Breaking the Silence. "During my own service with the IDF, I engaged in numerous behaviors that you would find just as easily among the soldiers of Nazi Germany: learning to clean a weapon; maintaining certain standards of dress and neatness; digging trenches and foxholes; handling armaments; safety procedures; salute protocols; and that's just the basics. I could spend all day detailing the eerie parallels between the Israeli military and the Wehrmacht, but seldom is there anything that anyone does about it. I hope this report to the UN shifts things in the right direction." In 2020, the Human Rights Council denounced Israel seventeen times, and other countries a total of six.
Observers questioned the rhetorical wisdom of the move. "OK, fine, the Jews are the new Nazis, I get it," shrugged pro-Palestinian activist Ali Abunimah. "We've known that since we were allying ourselves with the actual Nazis in the 1930's and 40's. Old news. But the same analogies haven't gotten us very far, so you have to wonder whether it makes sense to keep beating the same stupid drum. There has got to be a better approach to constantly reminding everyone we think of Jews as the epitome of evil who should never be allowed to live peacefully. Few of these useless reports to the UN have resulted in anything more than a mere apologia for violence against Jews, and that's a far cry from rallying the entire world to destroy them."
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