Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.
Check out their Facebook page.
Jerusalem, January 13 - Leading Arab lawmakers have proposed implementing a law enforcement policy that would bring Israel's treatment of certain crimes in line with common practice in several major European Union states, to the effect that gang-rapes perpetrated by Muslims would be either covered up or not prosecuted, a spokesman for the Joint List of Arab parties said today.
Joint List Chairman Ayman Odeh told reporters he had initiated discussions with a number of other parties in the Knesset interested in making Israel more like Europe, notably Meretz and the Zionist Union, especially the way European countries such as Britain, Germany, and Sweden attempt to deny, downplay, or conceal the phenomenon of gangs of Muslim young men targeting local women and girls for premeditated, brutal sexual violations.
"Just today it was revealed that in Sweden, the police concealed the data on Muslim immigrants involved in a massive wave of gang-rapes," Odeh noted. "Since Israel prides itself on upholding Western values, and says it has so much in common with other democracies especially in Europe, this is a perfect opportunity to demonstrate such an affinity."
"Israel could learn a thing or two from the way Europe is enabling a takeover of its civilization by a population largely opposed to that civilization," agreed fellow Joint List legislator Dr. Ahmad Tibi. "For a country that keeps insisting it has so much in common with other democracies, this is a glaring example of how that is simply not the case, no matter how loud and often Netanyahu and his cronies repeat that mantra."
In its current draft form, the bill in question calls for police to ignore rapes committed by two or more Arabs. In specifically using the term "Arab" the proposal departs from the European model, which focuses on rapes by Muslims, many of whom hail from non-Arab countries such as Pakistan and Somalia. In the context of Israel, explained Tibi, the language of the bill is a political concession to several Joint List lawmakers who are not Muslim.
To become law, the bill will have to be formally submitted, approved in a preliminary plenum vote, debated and approved by the relevant Knesset committee, and then survive two more readings in the Knesset plenum. Its odds of doing so, given the proposal's origins in the Opposition, are not promising, but Odeh said the proposal is largely symbolic anyway. "It's a win-win situation for us. If the bill passes, it makes us more like Europe. If it fails, we get to denounce the government for hypocrisy and can score political points."
To help ensure more irresponsible satire of this ilk, please consider a sponsorship: https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?patAmt=1&u=2441248